This week has been on the up and up - last week is now but a distant memory. I guess despite the efforts it has taken for me to get my much wanted baby, im also entitled to feel worried, scared and anxious about things just like any other mummy-to-be. I spent a lot of time last week beating myself up that I was feeling so down about my pregnancy which wasn't helping the situation. Afterall, I am human. I have emotions on high like any other pregnancy. But ultimately, none of my last weeks fears and anxieties take away from the fact that I love and want this baby more than you can imagine!!! We live and learn......
This last week has been good for me. I have started to pop out which is exciting - even getting comments. My belly is starting to harden around the edges, still flabby in parts but there are definitely changes happening! I have been feeling some flutterings in my belly for about a week or so which im told is the early movements of baby. Can't wait until I feel some proper movements or when my husband can feel them on the outside!
I had some prity intense pains this week - was feeling quite uncomfortable with them. I was sure they were related to baby growing but my midwife offered me a scan.... naturally I said yes!!! So we got to see bubs again!!! We are still measuring well, actually ahead a day but whats a day aye! We asked the sonographer if she could see the gender.... she wasn't 100% certain but thought she could so hopefully in 2 weeks time at our anatomy scan this is confirmed.
We are now past the 4month mark - only 5 to go until we meet Petrie!!!
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
14w 5d
Today im feeling better.
Im lucky - I know this. Lucky that im pregnant. Im lucky I have gotten this far. But most of all im lucky to have a husband to help me through the rough moments. I think with pregnancy, even when you are so so happy to be pregnant, we forget that hormones go crazy and sometimes make you think the worse. I tend to be this way naturally in life - I would rather prepare myself for hurt rather than it sneak up on me and surprise me. My husband reminded me its ok to have these moments, but Petrie is FINE. Everything up to this moment has been perfect and we (ok I) have to believe that it will continue on to be that. I need to believe in my ability to have success and that this pregnancy is successful.
Its time to change my thought process, I can't go on having moments of disbelief or worry as none of that is helping... me or the baby. My husband said his job is to look after me, make me happy and help me to believe. And my job is to keep on looking after Petrie as im doing a great job.
Love him
Love him
Today I had my midwife appointment. She too was reassuring that everything is normal (who would have thought that 'normal' could be so worrying ha ha) and that im doing a great job and bubs is doing what it should. We listened to Petrie on their doppler - way better than the one we have, its so clear and he/she was so easy to find and was beating away at 140bpm. She understood that im not use to success, only failure, and said that she too will support me to believe that all will be fine. She has booked in to see us again in 3 weeks so we can listen to the heartbeat again before our scan which we will do between xmas and new years. Also she said my due date is what we initially thought so yay for being a day closer to meeting our precious bubba!!!
So today I feel better, and will be doing my best to continue on with this positivity and just "Go with the Flow". I love my baby so much, I will not give up on us xx
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
14w 3d
Feeling quite low at the moment... can't get passed my anxieties at the moment. With each day that passes its a victory, but yet im still waiting for something or someone to say that its all over. Its like I don't believe that I am worthy of happiness or something. On the other hand, my self esteem is really low. Im waiting for the pregnancy glow, but all im feeling is like a frumpy old maid.
The worst thing about feeling like this, is that I feeling guilty by it - I should feel nothing but happiness and gratatue that im in this position. I feel guilty that I can't just believe and trust in my abilities to be pregnant, and to be happy. Why am I like this??
Can't wait until I see that bubs is still growing with my next scan, or when I start feeling him or her moving about. But more importantly, I need to find a way to get through this and being constantly excited about this life that we have finally created, and believe in my abilities in growing bubs and then being a mother. I am worthy.... I just have to remember this.
The worst thing about feeling like this, is that I feeling guilty by it - I should feel nothing but happiness and gratatue that im in this position. I feel guilty that I can't just believe and trust in my abilities to be pregnant, and to be happy. Why am I like this??
Can't wait until I see that bubs is still growing with my next scan, or when I start feeling him or her moving about. But more importantly, I need to find a way to get through this and being constantly excited about this life that we have finally created, and believe in my abilities in growing bubs and then being a mother. I am worthy.... I just have to remember this.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
13w 3d
Things are just ticking along.
I am still suffering with exhaustion which gets me down - feel bad that I have sleeps and don't have much energy to do things, feel like im letting people down. I also get daily headaches which I hate - nothing worse than a constant fuzz in the head! But all in all preggie wise I have been ok - there is a girl in my due group who is still having regular hospital admissions as she can't hold anything down and is dehydrated constantly, must be so hard!!!
Still looking around at the shops getting ideas on what bubs will need. Have tried out some buggies and chosen which one we will get - its nice and light and easy for me to use which is what I need. Doesn't have the ability to have another seat added to it but we decided that if we were blessed to have another bubba we will worry about a double pram then, for now will just look at my needs which is the Mountain Buggy swift... can't wait to get it! We have put the cot up in the baby room, looks great!!! Can't wait to get the rest of the room sorted... exciting!!!
On Saturday I did a fasting glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes as im at risk of this. I had heard things about these tests, how gross they are. It wasn't too bad - just quite sweet which is hard to drink when I had not eaten for so long. Will hopefully get results soon.
Following this we went out for breakfast - I was hanging out to eat, particularly bacon!! Got to the restaurant, ordered my food... and got served a chop!!! I was like "im not eating that", I felt like crying cos all I wanted was bacon! My hubby gave me one of his rashers and was going to have the chop but he couldn't cut it.... turns out it was raw on the inside!!! Eeww!!! I complained of course, raw meat to anyone is fowl but giving it to a preggie lady is definately not ok.
Since Saturday afternoon I have not been feeling well. Naturally I started worrying that it was related to my breakfast experience as all the food was stacked on top of each other (could have contaminated it??) but went to the GP today and they seem to think its just morning sickness rearing again.... even though I said I felt it was different to the other illness I had had. So I guess I will have to try and not worry and believe that all is ok with our baby... please please please be ok.
I am still suffering with exhaustion which gets me down - feel bad that I have sleeps and don't have much energy to do things, feel like im letting people down. I also get daily headaches which I hate - nothing worse than a constant fuzz in the head! But all in all preggie wise I have been ok - there is a girl in my due group who is still having regular hospital admissions as she can't hold anything down and is dehydrated constantly, must be so hard!!!
Still looking around at the shops getting ideas on what bubs will need. Have tried out some buggies and chosen which one we will get - its nice and light and easy for me to use which is what I need. Doesn't have the ability to have another seat added to it but we decided that if we were blessed to have another bubba we will worry about a double pram then, for now will just look at my needs which is the Mountain Buggy swift... can't wait to get it! We have put the cot up in the baby room, looks great!!! Can't wait to get the rest of the room sorted... exciting!!!
On Saturday I did a fasting glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes as im at risk of this. I had heard things about these tests, how gross they are. It wasn't too bad - just quite sweet which is hard to drink when I had not eaten for so long. Will hopefully get results soon.
Following this we went out for breakfast - I was hanging out to eat, particularly bacon!! Got to the restaurant, ordered my food... and got served a chop!!! I was like "im not eating that", I felt like crying cos all I wanted was bacon! My hubby gave me one of his rashers and was going to have the chop but he couldn't cut it.... turns out it was raw on the inside!!! Eeww!!! I complained of course, raw meat to anyone is fowl but giving it to a preggie lady is definately not ok.
Since Saturday afternoon I have not been feeling well. Naturally I started worrying that it was related to my breakfast experience as all the food was stacked on top of each other (could have contaminated it??) but went to the GP today and they seem to think its just morning sickness rearing again.... even though I said I felt it was different to the other illness I had had. So I guess I will have to try and not worry and believe that all is ok with our baby... please please please be ok.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
12 weeks!!!!!!!!
Woo hoo - I made it!!! Im finally 12 weeks!!!! Wow, I never thought this day would ever come - I just can't believe it!!! Im so so lucky to finally get here, its been a long road but we did it :)
Im looking forward to getting into my 2nd trimester, will be another milestone so can't wait for it.
Nothing too much to report with me. Still feeling quite tired and im getting daily headaches. I was worried that I may be getting a UTI but I don't think I am which is good. Im starting to get a bit of a belly/flab combo which is a wee bit exciting. Still in a blah phase though so im sure that when it becomes a proper belly I will start feeling better about my body.
We are now public about being pregnant - I have had such lovely support, its been quite overwhelming! Seems that heaps of people are quite excited for us which I think is adding to our excitement. Its quite fun :)
Caught up with a couple of friends today and one of them brought me a wee gift for Petrie - my first gift for bubs! Was so sweet, made me choke up a bit ha ha. Cute :)
Still feeling very overwhelmed about what to get for bubs but asking people and reading up on stuff to get more of an idea. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and get what feels right for me/us - especially as so many people have so many opinions on what worked for them which may not have worked for someone else. We will get there though im sure :) Brought my first lot of nappies today, time to build up the stock as im sure we will need quite a bit!!!
Im looking forward to getting into my 2nd trimester, will be another milestone so can't wait for it.
Nothing too much to report with me. Still feeling quite tired and im getting daily headaches. I was worried that I may be getting a UTI but I don't think I am which is good. Im starting to get a bit of a belly/flab combo which is a wee bit exciting. Still in a blah phase though so im sure that when it becomes a proper belly I will start feeling better about my body.
We are now public about being pregnant - I have had such lovely support, its been quite overwhelming! Seems that heaps of people are quite excited for us which I think is adding to our excitement. Its quite fun :)
Caught up with a couple of friends today and one of them brought me a wee gift for Petrie - my first gift for bubs! Was so sweet, made me choke up a bit ha ha. Cute :)
Still feeling very overwhelmed about what to get for bubs but asking people and reading up on stuff to get more of an idea. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and get what feels right for me/us - especially as so many people have so many opinions on what worked for them which may not have worked for someone else. We will get there though im sure :) Brought my first lot of nappies today, time to build up the stock as im sure we will need quite a bit!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
11w 5d
Scan day... oh wow, what an amazing experience!!! And such a relief!!! I was so worried that they would say it was a dream and that nothing was in there.... but straight away, we could see our beautiful bubba!!! Both of us were just blown away, it was incredible!!!
The lady was so lovely and explained everything she was showing us - we could see so much!! The brain, kidneys, stomach, bladder, heart that was beating loudly at 157bpm. It was all just perfect! For most of the scan, Petrie was just so chilled out, but then when she put it onto 3D and video we could see him/her moving about so much - its amazing how much it moves already.... incredible!!!
So all the main measurements came back perfect and we couldn't be happier. So now we have announced our news, and its just so lovely seeing/hearing all the supportive responses - it brings a tear to my eye!!!
I can't believe it - its really happening..... we are going to be parents!!!!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
11w
Woo hoo - 11 weeks!!! Yay me - keep growing Petrie!!!
Today we started having a look at the shops.... wow, there is so much out there!!! Where on earth does one start??!! Not only is there so much that you need, there is so much variety - how do you know whats right? Some of its quite expensive, I don't want to buy dud stuff. Argh, this is going to be so hard and is totally overwhelming!!! There are some "essential" lists out there so think im going to have to get me one of them to know where to start as don't want to leave it till the last minute, want to start slowly getting things to spread the cost out!
I also think I have my first craving :) Im loving milk at the moment, can't get me enough of it! I have also started dry retching to smells and other random things (like blowing my nose) - it comes on randomly and isn't the most pretty thing you hear ha ha. Poor hubby, im bound to embarrasse him with one of these outbursts in public... can't be helped and like he said, he see's it as a positive that all is well with the pregnancy.... bless him xx
Today we started having a look at the shops.... wow, there is so much out there!!! Where on earth does one start??!! Not only is there so much that you need, there is so much variety - how do you know whats right? Some of its quite expensive, I don't want to buy dud stuff. Argh, this is going to be so hard and is totally overwhelming!!! There are some "essential" lists out there so think im going to have to get me one of them to know where to start as don't want to leave it till the last minute, want to start slowly getting things to spread the cost out!
I also think I have my first craving :) Im loving milk at the moment, can't get me enough of it! I have also started dry retching to smells and other random things (like blowing my nose) - it comes on randomly and isn't the most pretty thing you hear ha ha. Poor hubby, im bound to embarrasse him with one of these outbursts in public... can't be helped and like he said, he see's it as a positive that all is well with the pregnancy.... bless him xx
Friday, November 4, 2011
10w 6d
Today I recieved a doppler in the post from a friend... naturally I tried it out straight away. Initially I was playing around, had it on its loudest but couldn't hear anything other than rufflings. But then finally... there it was, teeny tiny gallop sounds. It was such a relief - im sure if anyone saw me they would have seen the biggest smile on my face. I called out to hubby and he was able to hear it too. So amazing - a faint but definate heartbeat!!! Its only going to get louder as Petrie grows too, can't wait!!!
Its amazing how much relief one gets from the small things such as this. Its going to make the next 6 days before my scan so much easier - knowledge that there is someone still growing inside of me. With each day its becoming more and more real that this is actually happening - I just want to shout it from the rooftops that "WE'RE FINALLY HAVING A BABY!!!!"
The days seem to be getting a bit faster now that im in the double digits too - its not dragging as much now so thats a bonus :)
I keep looking at my belly, wondering if im actually getting a bump of sorts - while im not a big big girl, I did have a tummy on me.... however it looks like I may just be getting the beginnings of an actual baby bump. Still not worthy of a photo, but worthy of watching out for!!!
This weekend we are off looking at baby gear - time to get an idea of whats out there and what will work for us! Can't wait to start this part of the journey... well have already started with the cot but can't wait to get more things and set up the baby's room :)
Im just getting so so excited now!!! Its real, its actually happening. I will be a mama xx
Its amazing how much relief one gets from the small things such as this. Its going to make the next 6 days before my scan so much easier - knowledge that there is someone still growing inside of me. With each day its becoming more and more real that this is actually happening - I just want to shout it from the rooftops that "WE'RE FINALLY HAVING A BABY!!!!"
The days seem to be getting a bit faster now that im in the double digits too - its not dragging as much now so thats a bonus :)
I keep looking at my belly, wondering if im actually getting a bump of sorts - while im not a big big girl, I did have a tummy on me.... however it looks like I may just be getting the beginnings of an actual baby bump. Still not worthy of a photo, but worthy of watching out for!!!
This weekend we are off looking at baby gear - time to get an idea of whats out there and what will work for us! Can't wait to start this part of the journey... well have already started with the cot but can't wait to get more things and set up the baby's room :)
Im just getting so so excited now!!! Its real, its actually happening. I will be a mama xx
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
10w 3d
Its been a while since I posted :)
Time is just slowly ticking along, not really too much to report. My nausea has settled now - all in all it wasn't too bad. Still quite fatigued and having bouts of emotional outbursts. My boobs are on/off tender and growing - not too big just yet but definitely getting bigger. My tummy is starting to get some layering on it, looking a bit podge and its getting hard to suck in. Its actually a bit depressing - I feel so in between with the tummy, can't wait to just let it all out and be proud of my growing belly! Will start buying some clothes to make me feel better as mine are just making me feel frumpy. Also planning on getting my hair done next week - nothing like a cut and colour to make you feel better!!
I still have moments where I don't believe this is really happening but as the time goes on im believing more and more. I also think our families are getting more excited which helps me lots to know that they believe in Petrie. Looking at investing in a doppler, thinking it will be good to help reassure me when I have my moments of anxiety.
I have my next scan next Thursday - only 9 more sleeps then the cat will well and truly be out of the bag!!! Can't wait to tell the world :)
Time is just slowly ticking along, not really too much to report. My nausea has settled now - all in all it wasn't too bad. Still quite fatigued and having bouts of emotional outbursts. My boobs are on/off tender and growing - not too big just yet but definitely getting bigger. My tummy is starting to get some layering on it, looking a bit podge and its getting hard to suck in. Its actually a bit depressing - I feel so in between with the tummy, can't wait to just let it all out and be proud of my growing belly! Will start buying some clothes to make me feel better as mine are just making me feel frumpy. Also planning on getting my hair done next week - nothing like a cut and colour to make you feel better!!
I still have moments where I don't believe this is really happening but as the time goes on im believing more and more. I also think our families are getting more excited which helps me lots to know that they believe in Petrie. Looking at investing in a doppler, thinking it will be good to help reassure me when I have my moments of anxiety.
I have my next scan next Thursday - only 9 more sleeps then the cat will well and truly be out of the bag!!! Can't wait to tell the world :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
8w 6d
These last few days I have been sick with a cold - I never really appreciated how hard it would be to get an illness when pregnant, there isn't much that your safe to take! Its actually quite frustrating! I tried to work through it all but by yesterday afternoon I just had to go home, I was so tired and feeling like crap!!! Im struggling with the feeling that im letting people down - letting work down as im off a bit at the moment (first with morning sickness which has now subsided, now this cold) and I feel like people just think im being slack. Im also feeling guilty that my husband is doing most of the cooking - feel like I should be doing more, the house work is building up, I should be helping more.
Im also at a point where im over thinking, worrying. I have been trying really hard to believe that all is well with this pregnancy but then fear sets in and takes over my positivity. I can't help it. And then if I lose this baby, everyone will be so guttered as our families are now getting excited about the prospect that there will be a baby soon... but if not, im letting them down also.
Argh, no matter what stage of this journey, there is always worry. I wish I didn't know what I do, I wish I had the naivety to just be able to go with the flow - believe that all is good, not read into the fact that my symptoms have stopped but just be thankful that im no longer feeling nausea's.
Bring on the next scan, here's hoping I can find a way to get through these next few weeks without going too crazy!!!
Im also at a point where im over thinking, worrying. I have been trying really hard to believe that all is well with this pregnancy but then fear sets in and takes over my positivity. I can't help it. And then if I lose this baby, everyone will be so guttered as our families are now getting excited about the prospect that there will be a baby soon... but if not, im letting them down also.
Argh, no matter what stage of this journey, there is always worry. I wish I didn't know what I do, I wish I had the naivety to just be able to go with the flow - believe that all is good, not read into the fact that my symptoms have stopped but just be thankful that im no longer feeling nausea's.
Bring on the next scan, here's hoping I can find a way to get through these next few weeks without going too crazy!!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
8w 4d
Well I have made it, im now in unknown territory. With my last pregnancy, it was on this date that I had my D&C as the day before we had learnt that our baby had stopped growing and its heart had stopped.
I remember most of the day of the D&C. We had to go into hospital about 11am - I had spent most of the morning crying with my husband. I got into my gown and we waited until they were ready to take me into surgery.
I remember being on the bed being checked by the anesthesist just crying - this wasn't the way my baby was meant to come out of me. I then met a nurse who was trying to make me feel better saying that she had babies later in life and struggled (they knew it was a baby through fertility treatment) and they she said "I could have fucken slapped those who got pregnant so easily". It didn't cheer me up, but I could appreciate what she was trying to do.
I then went into surgery and when I woke, it was to pain physically from the surgery, and emotionally that I was no longer pregnant.
It was one of the worse days I have ever had. I felt so empty by the end of it and for a long time after too..... But this pregnancy has been different from the start - it took a while to get back to here, but I know that this time this bubs is a keeper. I know I will get to know my son or daughter - it always made me sad that I would never know what I was having last time. While its been a stressful 8w 4d, im still celebrating the small successes.... today is a big success.
Im grateful for my pregnancy, I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can't wait for the next milestones of this pregnancy and ultimately meeting my baby.
Life is good
I remember most of the day of the D&C. We had to go into hospital about 11am - I had spent most of the morning crying with my husband. I got into my gown and we waited until they were ready to take me into surgery.
I remember being on the bed being checked by the anesthesist just crying - this wasn't the way my baby was meant to come out of me. I then met a nurse who was trying to make me feel better saying that she had babies later in life and struggled (they knew it was a baby through fertility treatment) and they she said "I could have fucken slapped those who got pregnant so easily". It didn't cheer me up, but I could appreciate what she was trying to do.
I then went into surgery and when I woke, it was to pain physically from the surgery, and emotionally that I was no longer pregnant.
It was one of the worse days I have ever had. I felt so empty by the end of it and for a long time after too..... But this pregnancy has been different from the start - it took a while to get back to here, but I know that this time this bubs is a keeper. I know I will get to know my son or daughter - it always made me sad that I would never know what I was having last time. While its been a stressful 8w 4d, im still celebrating the small successes.... today is a big success.
Im grateful for my pregnancy, I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can't wait for the next milestones of this pregnancy and ultimately meeting my baby.
Life is good
Thursday, October 13, 2011
7w 5d
Well its been a busy past few days in our household.
Yesterday we met up with our midwife - she was lovely, we feel quite happy with her. We talked through lots of things and did lots of paperwork. The midwife recommends that we go with shared care, she said that due to having PCOS and conceived through IVF it puts us at higher risk. Apparently IVF babies tend to stop growing sooner than natural babies, and having PCOS puts me at risk of pre-eclampsia. So we have decided to go with her recommendation. She was also saying that im unlikely to go over - may even be a week earlier however they won't let me go over because of the risks so thats good. She also gave us forms to get our antenatal bloods done, along with referral to have our combined screening done at 12weeks. I felt really good when I left, felt excited at the prospect of needing to even use a midwife and making plans for this baby's arrival!!!
Today was our followup scan at Repromed (now known as Fertility Associates as have changed names). Again, I was super nervous. But yay, everything was perfect!!! Bubs has been growing nicely, nice strong heartbeat, and well... perfect!!! Our specialist said we can still have scans if we chose however there is no longer a need for us to be going there, we have officially graduated!!! I can't believe we have made it here!!! Still need to keep taking the metformin for basically my entire pregnancy but I can stop the pessaries now - I think I will just carry on with the packs I have, can't hurt anyways!!
So its been a great last few days - a perfect way to celebrate my husbands birthday today!!! We have also made our first big purchase, a cot - we love it!! Can't wait for hubby to put it together. Both mw and specialist have said my EDD is a day later than we had so now our due date is 26th May 2012.
Eek, so super excited about it all!!!
Here is a pic of bubs - hasn't he/she grown ;)
Yesterday we met up with our midwife - she was lovely, we feel quite happy with her. We talked through lots of things and did lots of paperwork. The midwife recommends that we go with shared care, she said that due to having PCOS and conceived through IVF it puts us at higher risk. Apparently IVF babies tend to stop growing sooner than natural babies, and having PCOS puts me at risk of pre-eclampsia. So we have decided to go with her recommendation. She was also saying that im unlikely to go over - may even be a week earlier however they won't let me go over because of the risks so thats good. She also gave us forms to get our antenatal bloods done, along with referral to have our combined screening done at 12weeks. I felt really good when I left, felt excited at the prospect of needing to even use a midwife and making plans for this baby's arrival!!!
Today was our followup scan at Repromed (now known as Fertility Associates as have changed names). Again, I was super nervous. But yay, everything was perfect!!! Bubs has been growing nicely, nice strong heartbeat, and well... perfect!!! Our specialist said we can still have scans if we chose however there is no longer a need for us to be going there, we have officially graduated!!! I can't believe we have made it here!!! Still need to keep taking the metformin for basically my entire pregnancy but I can stop the pessaries now - I think I will just carry on with the packs I have, can't hurt anyways!!
So its been a great last few days - a perfect way to celebrate my husbands birthday today!!! We have also made our first big purchase, a cot - we love it!! Can't wait for hubby to put it together. Both mw and specialist have said my EDD is a day later than we had so now our due date is 26th May 2012.
Eek, so super excited about it all!!!
Here is a pic of bubs - hasn't he/she grown ;)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
6w 6d
Scan day..........
I was so nervous all morning, my emotions were all over the place about what we would see. The morning went reasonably fast yet felt like it was dragging at the same time.
11am rolled around. We were sitting so quietly in the waiting room - there were a few people in there so that may have added to it but I know I was just too nervous to speak.
Firstly we spoke to the doctor about our previous blood test results. He was still really happy with them and said they rose as they expected them to do.
Next it was scan time, my date with dildo cam. And as soon as the scanner was in me, I could see a wee sac. Has he magnified it more, the heartbeat. It was pumping so much it was crazy. He turned on the sound and we could hear it clear as mud. A M A Z I N G!!!! I had tears as soon as I saw and heard it, tears of joy.
As we are still so early into the pregnancy, we are still quite small. The doctor took the measurements though and we are the right size for how far along we are. He tried to measure the HB - it was 114 BPM so in the safe range (which is over 100).
So still early days. He was very reassuring that all is looking as perfect as it should be but understood the fear given last time. Interestingly he said 90% of those who see a heartbeat early carry on... we were obviously in the 10% last time. That in mind, we have another scan next week to check the growth and that we are still tracking along nicely. He said I can have as many scan's as I need to feel reassured which was great. I think next weeks one will tell a lot though.
But for now, we are believing that our baby is perfect and will be here for the long haul.
Keep safe and strong Petrie xxx
I was so nervous all morning, my emotions were all over the place about what we would see. The morning went reasonably fast yet felt like it was dragging at the same time.
11am rolled around. We were sitting so quietly in the waiting room - there were a few people in there so that may have added to it but I know I was just too nervous to speak.
Firstly we spoke to the doctor about our previous blood test results. He was still really happy with them and said they rose as they expected them to do.
Next it was scan time, my date with dildo cam. And as soon as the scanner was in me, I could see a wee sac. Has he magnified it more, the heartbeat. It was pumping so much it was crazy. He turned on the sound and we could hear it clear as mud. A M A Z I N G!!!! I had tears as soon as I saw and heard it, tears of joy.
As we are still so early into the pregnancy, we are still quite small. The doctor took the measurements though and we are the right size for how far along we are. He tried to measure the HB - it was 114 BPM so in the safe range (which is over 100).
So still early days. He was very reassuring that all is looking as perfect as it should be but understood the fear given last time. Interestingly he said 90% of those who see a heartbeat early carry on... we were obviously in the 10% last time. That in mind, we have another scan next week to check the growth and that we are still tracking along nicely. He said I can have as many scan's as I need to feel reassured which was great. I think next weeks one will tell a lot though.
But for now, we are believing that our baby is perfect and will be here for the long haul.
Keep safe and strong Petrie xxx
Monday, October 3, 2011
6w 3d
Ugh.... morning sickness has well and truly kicked in. Fortunately I have some sea bands that a friend has lent me, however I can't wear them at work as people will guess (and my uniform is short sleeves) so im on the hunt to find some other remedies. Im trying to eat bits through out the day, my appetite is up-and down but just trying to keep up the food intake. I know ginger is good - im not a fan of it so thinking I might look into the pill form of it (although I do like Gingernuts so could start a diet of that, ha ha).
My fatigue has also kicked it up a notch. On Saturday I had 2 sleeps!!! I have been told to have guilt free sleeps, so hard tho as feel like my hubby is having to do everything at the mo. He say's he doesn't mind but im still feeling guilty.
I have taken the day off work - I was so hot and sickly feeling over night that woke up feeling yuck and decided I couldn't face it today, was going to be a quiet day so probably would have made things worse!! So me and my hubby decided it was best to try and rest. Im also starting to get a bit of a sore throat so want to keep that at bay.
Man I hope it doesn't get worse than this, nausea is bad enough - I totally feel for those who are vomiting also (I have felt close but not yet). But its part and parcel of pregnancy, so I will just grin and bear it.... even if its through tears like there were yesterday!!!
3 sleeps until we see Petrie - I can not wait!!!
My fatigue has also kicked it up a notch. On Saturday I had 2 sleeps!!! I have been told to have guilt free sleeps, so hard tho as feel like my hubby is having to do everything at the mo. He say's he doesn't mind but im still feeling guilty.
I have taken the day off work - I was so hot and sickly feeling over night that woke up feeling yuck and decided I couldn't face it today, was going to be a quiet day so probably would have made things worse!! So me and my hubby decided it was best to try and rest. Im also starting to get a bit of a sore throat so want to keep that at bay.
Man I hope it doesn't get worse than this, nausea is bad enough - I totally feel for those who are vomiting also (I have felt close but not yet). But its part and parcel of pregnancy, so I will just grin and bear it.... even if its through tears like there were yesterday!!!
3 sleeps until we see Petrie - I can not wait!!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
5w 5d
So after my meltdown, I had another lot of bloods today - the levels were 7400 so not quite doubling however they said they slow down around 6weeks so they weren't too concerned with this. They asked again what would I like to do - did I want some more bloods. I said that I think the only thing that would help put me at ease is a scan.... so I cheekily asked if there was any chance that I could have my scan brought forward, which they did!!! So next Thursday, we will be seeing our baby!!!
I honestly do feel like things are good, im not thinking that im miscarrying... im just reading into things, I know this..... but im not the first and I won't be the last mama-to-be that will do this. I think when you have felt loss its the fear of it that takes over.
But Petrie will be just fine!!!!
My symptoms are still hanging in there. My breasts have gone back to feeling the sharp pains and I think they have grown, im having on/off headaches, the nausea is on/off but definitely not bad, my skin is a bit blah, im still peeing heaps, im feeling a little more hungry, im still getting the twinges in my lower abdomen, im still extremely fatigued..... and I think thats about it. Oh and im still very emotional!!!
I honestly do feel like things are good, im not thinking that im miscarrying... im just reading into things, I know this..... but im not the first and I won't be the last mama-to-be that will do this. I think when you have felt loss its the fear of it that takes over.
But Petrie will be just fine!!!!
My symptoms are still hanging in there. My breasts have gone back to feeling the sharp pains and I think they have grown, im having on/off headaches, the nausea is on/off but definitely not bad, my skin is a bit blah, im still peeing heaps, im feeling a little more hungry, im still getting the twinges in my lower abdomen, im still extremely fatigued..... and I think thats about it. Oh and im still very emotional!!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
5w 4d
So yea, im doing exactly what I said I wouldn't.... worrying!! Its just so hard not to - every little thing I seem to be over analysing, its doing my head in (and probably my husband's too). While initially yesterday with my blood results I was stoked, I came home and saw my miscarriage blood results and it was around this time I started to slow up... so this got me worrying that it will happen again. And my "symptoms" just don't seem to be there as much as they were - I know some people would be stoked to not feel crap but I just want some sort of sign that my baby is ok and won't be taken from me again. Needless to say, I feel quite emotional right now. I just wish there was a way to know, a way to believe in my body, a way to believe in my baby.... I want to so badly believe and not be the crazy lady who is a worry wart. I hate feeling that I shouldn't be anything other than happy but the simple fact is im scared :(
Monday, September 26, 2011
5w 3d
Had some more hCG bloods today - levels are at 4180, woo hoo!!!! With my last pregnancy the highest I got to was 3329 and that was at 7w 3d so im definately placed better this time!!! Its such a relief, you have no idea!!! The clinic have said I can have more bloods if I want (for piece of mind) but from their point of view there is no need to. At this stage, my goal was to just get passed where I got to last time so I have already done that. For the now I don't see a need but maybe I will feel a need.....
On another great note, a friend of mine who was a week behind me with her egg collection has just got her BFP!!! Im so so happy for them!!! They had male fertility issues but she responded well to the meds and managed to get something like 30 odd eggs collected however unfortunately none were able to be frozen. So this was it for them... and it worked!!! She is due a week after me, its super exciting!!!
Symptoms are persisting which is pleasing (who would have thought aye ha ha). My breast remain tender, im super fatigued, my nausea is on and off - seems to be worse in the evenings, im peeing like there is no tomorrow and im getting lots of stretching feelings in my lower abdomen.
I have no doubt that Baby Petrie is a keeper x
On another great note, a friend of mine who was a week behind me with her egg collection has just got her BFP!!! Im so so happy for them!!! They had male fertility issues but she responded well to the meds and managed to get something like 30 odd eggs collected however unfortunately none were able to be frozen. So this was it for them... and it worked!!! She is due a week after me, its super exciting!!!
Symptoms are persisting which is pleasing (who would have thought aye ha ha). My breast remain tender, im super fatigued, my nausea is on and off - seems to be worse in the evenings, im peeing like there is no tomorrow and im getting lots of stretching feelings in my lower abdomen.
I have no doubt that Baby Petrie is a keeper x
Friday, September 23, 2011
5 weeks
Wow, 35 weeks to go!!! People say the first trimester is the slowest of them all.... I can believe that! I feel like I should be further along ha ha!!! All good things take time though aye ;)
Not too much to report. Im getting more and more tired now and have a sleep most afternoons. Also starting to feel a few stretches/cramping (kinda like AF is on its way) but nothing to worry about. My nausea has mostly settled, boobs are still on the tender side, bit of heartburn, i'm getting a few headaches and am peeing lots now. All in all its all still feeling so surreal - I think seeing bubs on the scan will be when things fully sink in!
My husband is being very sweet and looking after me - cooking most nights, talking to Petrie. Cute!!! Can't wait to watch him grow as a daddy xx
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
4w 5d
I had my second lot of bloods today... hCG 785 so they have doubled. While I know I should be happy about this, there is still that wee voice in me that says "it doubled last time at the start". ARGH!!! I want so badly to believe in this all being good and not reading into things. Its easier said than done tho (and I have watched plenty of girls say then do the same thing in the online support forum im in so im not alone). I think for me its cos with my last pregnancy my levels doubled... then they slowed down but were still rising which people would say was still fine, wait for the heartbeat and that will put your mind at ease.... and then we had a scan, we saw and heard the heartbeat but things weren't fine and 2 weeks later my pregnancy was over.
I know logically that this pregnancy is different, and my levels have started off better.......but I can't stop the fear. I want to though, I have to find a way. Fortunately I have a very sane husband who is helping me through this, telling me that we have to celebrate the small victories and that today's levels are fantastic. I love him, he is my rock.
Symptoms for the last few days have also quieten (probably doesn't help the fear). My all day nausea has settled down to just occasional, my boobs still hurt and my fatigue has increased. My skin broke out a little on Monday night but nothing too major. And of course, im emotional/hormonal.
21 days until my scan and counting - please be viable, please let this all be healthy!!!
I know logically that this pregnancy is different, and my levels have started off better.......but I can't stop the fear. I want to though, I have to find a way. Fortunately I have a very sane husband who is helping me through this, telling me that we have to celebrate the small victories and that today's levels are fantastic. I love him, he is my rock.
Symptoms for the last few days have also quieten (probably doesn't help the fear). My all day nausea has settled down to just occasional, my boobs still hurt and my fatigue has increased. My skin broke out a little on Monday night but nothing too major. And of course, im emotional/hormonal.
21 days until my scan and counting - please be viable, please let this all be healthy!!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
4w 3d
Bloods levels have been done - hCG 380!!!! So so happy!!! It just feels so different to last time - I know this time that things are going to be ok, im just so excited!!!! I can basically have as many blood tests as I feel I need to for piece of mind... I want 4 as a minimum, want to watch those levels just a wee bit longer yet ;)
Have also booked in with a midwife - went to the one I had last time but she is finishing up working so went to another lady in the same practice - I have heard nothing but good things about her too and a couple of people I know have used her so yay!! See her the day after our scan.
Im just so excited, im actually having a baby!!! Our family of 4 (yes that's including our cherished pets) will become a family of 5 and we just can't wait!!! Grow wee Petrie, grow!!!
Have also booked in with a midwife - went to the one I had last time but she is finishing up working so went to another lady in the same practice - I have heard nothing but good things about her too and a couple of people I know have used her so yay!! See her the day after our scan.
Im just so excited, im actually having a baby!!! Our family of 4 (yes that's including our cherished pets) will become a family of 5 and we just can't wait!!! Grow wee Petrie, grow!!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
4w 2d
Eek, blood test tomorrow - not often you get excited over a blood test but I can't wait to make our pregnancy "official" and to watch the blood levels rise. I have a record of our hCG levels from our miscarriage pregnancy so hoping like hell they start off better - at 4w 2d my level was only 60. Fingers crossed for a great number!!!
In the meantime I have done another preggie test and the line has darkened so that is settling my nerves :)
This shows from right to left the tests from 12, 13 and 16dpo.... can't argue with those results!!! Definitely sinking in more and more now that this is real - we are both so extremely excited and are talking more about "the baby"!!!!
Not much else to report. Breasts still tender, nausea still there on and off - at times stronger than others. Same with fatigue. I welcome more - will make me feel more pregnant ha ha :)
Me thinks its going to be a long 8wks till the 12wk mark!!!
In the meantime I have done another preggie test and the line has darkened so that is settling my nerves :)
Not much else to report. Breasts still tender, nausea still there on and off - at times stronger than others. Same with fatigue. I welcome more - will make me feel more pregnant ha ha :)
Me thinks its going to be a long 8wks till the 12wk mark!!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
4 weeks today
Yay - now I can do a different type of count down!!!
Still in a world of disbelief - this BFP is so different to the last time as then we were naive of miscarriages, this time we have the knowledge of loss plus a long journey behind us that I think is holding back us getting super excited. Don't get me wrong, we are over the moon... just can't believe it!! I think the bloods on Monday will be the thing that will kick in the excitement and then with a great rise in levels on Wednesday then it will be like "phew". We told our family last night and I think their excitement is probably at the same level as us as they seemed slightly reserved also. Bring on Monday!!!
We have talked about the fear of another miscarriage and it holding us back. We have decided that this is not how we plan to treat this pregnancy - it is a new, different pregnancy and for the now we are pregnant and intend of basking in this knowledge. Im sure there will be times of doubt or fear, but we just have to believe that this wee bubs is well and will be making an appearance.
So symptoms.... the nausea is still there, I feel a bit bloated, my boobies are still hurting me (mostly at night or upon waking) and im getting a few twinges in my lower abdomen. I have felt a bit blah today so quite glad its the weekend so I can blob out!!!
Still in a world of disbelief - this BFP is so different to the last time as then we were naive of miscarriages, this time we have the knowledge of loss plus a long journey behind us that I think is holding back us getting super excited. Don't get me wrong, we are over the moon... just can't believe it!! I think the bloods on Monday will be the thing that will kick in the excitement and then with a great rise in levels on Wednesday then it will be like "phew". We told our family last night and I think their excitement is probably at the same level as us as they seemed slightly reserved also. Bring on Monday!!!
We have talked about the fear of another miscarriage and it holding us back. We have decided that this is not how we plan to treat this pregnancy - it is a new, different pregnancy and for the now we are pregnant and intend of basking in this knowledge. Im sure there will be times of doubt or fear, but we just have to believe that this wee bubs is well and will be making an appearance.
So symptoms.... the nausea is still there, I feel a bit bloated, my boobies are still hurting me (mostly at night or upon waking) and im getting a few twinges in my lower abdomen. I have felt a bit blah today so quite glad its the weekend so I can blob out!!!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
2 can't be wrong.... can they??
So yea.... those symptoms carried on and I tested. My first test yesterday and then another one today.... both were positive!! We are pregnant!!!
I can't believe it worked - im still in a world of disbelief that we were one of the lucky ones. I couldn't believe it yesterday and while having done today's one has helped cement the belief, it's still so surreal!!! I think part of me is in denial based on the road we have traveled - I have thought of every possibly reason why it may not be a true test but bottom line is it is. They were 2 tests from 2 separate packets... it's not wrong.
So I am officially pregnant.... our dream will be a reality in May!! We are elated!!!
My bloods to officially confirm it are on Monday and then will have some repeats to check that my preggie hormone levels are rising. I so so hope they rise better than last time!!! We also have a scan already booked - this was booked following our transfer. It said in the letter it would be either our first pregnancy scan or a scan to see whats going on following the failed IVF.... but fortunately for us it didn't fail!
Im going to be a mama.... keep safe little one, we can't wait to meet you and love you already xxx
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Day 27 - 7dp5dt
12dpo.... 1 full week since my transfer.
Symptoms today remain much the same as yesterday - the painful breasts, the nausea, and fatigue. I am having a bit of heart burn which is not all that uncommon for me as I have had it on and off ever since. I also got the other night the dark visable veins all over my chest following a shower which I got last time so all sounding good so far!!!
Symptoms today remain much the same as yesterday - the painful breasts, the nausea, and fatigue. I am having a bit of heart burn which is not all that uncommon for me as I have had it on and off ever since. I also got the other night the dark visable veins all over my chest following a shower which I got last time so all sounding good so far!!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Day 26 - 6dp5dt
6 days post transfer, 11days post ovulation. My 2 week wait it approaching the end, thank goodness. It feels like the longest wait of my life ha ha!!! Yesterday I was on the "this hasn't worked" fear, today my positivity is back... even if some of the time it is just a fake positive. I want it so much, but still fearful of it not working. I believe im pregnant but then pull my self back to protect myself in case im wrong.
Today my symptoms have changed slightly. I woke up with what can be described as sharp knifes dagging into my breasts - boy did they hurt!!! They felt so sore and painful. All day they have felt tender and sore, even if not touching them. My nausea is still there, to a point that if I haven't eaten it makes the nausea worse. I also feel quite a bit more tired today too. I have also just started to get some twinges down low - nothing major, but still there.
Who knows what it all means... lets hope it means there is a baby growing inside me and that all this isn't just in my head!!! Please let this be true.
Today my symptoms have changed slightly. I woke up with what can be described as sharp knifes dagging into my breasts - boy did they hurt!!! They felt so sore and painful. All day they have felt tender and sore, even if not touching them. My nausea is still there, to a point that if I haven't eaten it makes the nausea worse. I also feel quite a bit more tired today too. I have also just started to get some twinges down low - nothing major, but still there.
Who knows what it all means... lets hope it means there is a baby growing inside me and that all this isn't just in my head!!! Please let this be true.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Day 25 - 5dp5dt
Argh!!! Still 1 week until my blood test - it seems like a life time!!! I can see this next week is going to do my head in, so many thoughts swirling around in my head!!! Trying to keep as positive as possible.... but the closer im getting to the end of my 2 week wait the more I worry that it hasn't worked :(
Symptoms for today - still have the nausea, heart burn, and still have the heavy sore boobies. Im also feeling a bit tired but meh. I wish there was something more obvious to indicate one way or another, I just want to know!!!
Symptoms for today - still have the nausea, heart burn, and still have the heavy sore boobies. Im also feeling a bit tired but meh. I wish there was something more obvious to indicate one way or another, I just want to know!!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Day 24 - 4dp5dt
Tick tock tick tock.... time has slowed up!!! ha ha.Think its because its a lazy Sunday at home - atleast I have a busy week at work to keep my mind of things.
Symptoms for today: Boobs aren't as sore (unless I touch them) but still enlarged and heavy, still have a metallic taste in my mouth, I have been feeling nauseas since late last nite which hasn't really stopped all day. I also had a bit of food aversion this morning towards egg - something that I eat almost daily! This morning my poached eggs didn't taste right and I couldn't eat them. Haven't really eaten since either but I but that down to feeling nauseas.
It's so hard not to read into things - Im trying to find other potential reasons like I have a bug, or the eggs weren't right. I just don't want to believe that this is pregnancy related as its still so early that im only going to set myself up for heartbreak. But fingers crossed it is x
Symptoms for today: Boobs aren't as sore (unless I touch them) but still enlarged and heavy, still have a metallic taste in my mouth, I have been feeling nauseas since late last nite which hasn't really stopped all day. I also had a bit of food aversion this morning towards egg - something that I eat almost daily! This morning my poached eggs didn't taste right and I couldn't eat them. Haven't really eaten since either but I but that down to feeling nauseas.
It's so hard not to read into things - Im trying to find other potential reasons like I have a bug, or the eggs weren't right. I just don't want to believe that this is pregnancy related as its still so early that im only going to set myself up for heartbreak. But fingers crossed it is x
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Day 23 - 3dp5dt
Almost at the halfway mark, yay!!! All in all im not too obsessively thinking about things - just trying to go with the flow and not over analyse things which so far hasn't been too hard.
Symptoms at the mo continue as much the same. Im starting to get a little bit of abdo cramping but other than that just the same with the boobs and other pessaries related stuff. I did have wicked cramping in my calf last night and have read that cramps like that can come with pregnancy... who knows aye, probably just a coincidence :)
Symptoms at the mo continue as much the same. Im starting to get a little bit of abdo cramping but other than that just the same with the boobs and other pessaries related stuff. I did have wicked cramping in my calf last night and have read that cramps like that can come with pregnancy... who knows aye, probably just a coincidence :)
Friday, September 9, 2011
Day 22 - 2dp5dt
Great news - we got our letter today with results on our frosties and we got 2!!!! We are so stoked, potentially we can have our whole family right there or atleast the odds of getting the one have just got HEAPS better. So so happy, such a relief!!!
Nothing much else to report. Boobs still big and sore, getting the metallic taste but all this related too the pessaries. Also a bit bunged up due to the pessaries sigh. I did have a "wave" of nausea earlier this evening - probably related to the constipation or maybe just hungry ha ha. Nothing to read into at this stage anyways ;)
Nothing much else to report. Boobs still big and sore, getting the metallic taste but all this related too the pessaries. Also a bit bunged up due to the pessaries sigh. I did have a "wave" of nausea earlier this evening - probably related to the constipation or maybe just hungry ha ha. Nothing to read into at this stage anyways ;)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Day 21 - 1dp5dt
Day 1 post transfer - nothing to report. Same old same old really. Will be hard to spot symptoms as my boobs are massive and sore from the pessaries and I am peeing heaps from having lots of fluids. Will just have to wait it out until testing time no doubt!
I was a bit disappointed when I returned to work today - one of the admin people said to me "how did I get on yesterday"? I initially thought it was because I was off so I said excuse me to which she said "did it go well? what happens now, I guess you just have to wait".... she was clearly talking about my IVF, something which I had not told her about. I asked how did she know and she said "you know how the gossip travels in this place".
Im actually quite hurt that someone is talking about MY business. Yes I am quite open about my fertility issues, but I am also selective in who I tell and I am even more selective in who I have told we are currently undergoing treatment. I told my immediate team at work as I work in a hospital in an appointment basis position so I felt I needed to as people would have to cover for me - other than that I told 2 other people within the department, a total of 7 people. Now im wondering who else bloody knows!!! Its not others place to tell my business. Im disappointed that I felt I was doing the right thing to not let people down at work, only to be let down in return. Next time I can tell you I will only be telling my manager - who cares if people look badly at me because im always off, this is added pressure and stress that I just don't need!
Not happy :(
I was a bit disappointed when I returned to work today - one of the admin people said to me "how did I get on yesterday"? I initially thought it was because I was off so I said excuse me to which she said "did it go well? what happens now, I guess you just have to wait".... she was clearly talking about my IVF, something which I had not told her about. I asked how did she know and she said "you know how the gossip travels in this place".
Im actually quite hurt that someone is talking about MY business. Yes I am quite open about my fertility issues, but I am also selective in who I tell and I am even more selective in who I have told we are currently undergoing treatment. I told my immediate team at work as I work in a hospital in an appointment basis position so I felt I needed to as people would have to cover for me - other than that I told 2 other people within the department, a total of 7 people. Now im wondering who else bloody knows!!! Its not others place to tell my business. Im disappointed that I felt I was doing the right thing to not let people down at work, only to be let down in return. Next time I can tell you I will only be telling my manager - who cares if people look badly at me because im always off, this is added pressure and stress that I just don't need!
Not happy :(
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Day 20 - Egg Transfer
Woo hoo - we have an embie on board!!!! Im so so happy right now - im just amazed that we have come this far, yay!!!
I started the day off nice and casual. Listened to my Circle Bloom audio, had a nice hot shower, breakfast and then acupuncture. I met my husband at the clinic for our appointment - both of us were quite nervous/excited, when we held hands we were both clammy.
Firstly the embryologist came into see us. She said that all 4 embryos had made it to blastocyst stage - wow, we were ecstatic! I was sure they were going to say we only had 1 or 2 left but all 4 - amazing!!! I asked later on about the grade of the one they were putting back today and its a 4AA - the best grade possible, she called it text book!!! This made me cry - I did it, I actually made a good embryo (ok so they helped us a little but still hee hee). I had been told that we could get a photo of our embie so I asked - they said they no longer like to do this due to the added risks of having to move the embie more so we were fine with not adding further risk. They then said that we would see if on a TV screen before its transferred back into me.
So the specialist came in - was the same one from the collection so I was stoked again, he is so good and explains everything along the way and makes me feel so at ease. Just what I need :)
Anyways he gave a quick check of my fufu for infection and as he was doing this the tv screen came on - firstly it showed our petri-dish with my name on it to prove its the right one, and then we saw it - our precious wee embie. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen!!! We were both mesmerised by it - science sure is amazing!! I had earlier said to my husband to take a photo of the screen but he was so busy looking he forgot ha ha. Its all good, I can let him away with it ;)
Anyways, basically our wee embie looked like this:
Isn't that just incredible!!!!
Next the embryologist brought in our catheter with the embryo in it, it was inserted into me and then when finished it was taken away to be checked to make sure it was out which it was. Job done. After a 5min lie down I was out of there!!!
In regards to the freezing of any spare, they are leaving them one more day to culture and give them the best possible chance to survive a thaw but looking like will have 1 or 2. Again, so so happy!!!
So afterwards I went off for another acupuncture session, had a nice long lunch with a good friend and now im at home with the pets chilling.
So FANTASTIC day, couldn't have wished for anything better at this stage of the game. Now all we need is for this precious wee embie to get all snug in me for the next 9months or so!!! For now I am blissfully PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise x
I started the day off nice and casual. Listened to my Circle Bloom audio, had a nice hot shower, breakfast and then acupuncture. I met my husband at the clinic for our appointment - both of us were quite nervous/excited, when we held hands we were both clammy.
Firstly the embryologist came into see us. She said that all 4 embryos had made it to blastocyst stage - wow, we were ecstatic! I was sure they were going to say we only had 1 or 2 left but all 4 - amazing!!! I asked later on about the grade of the one they were putting back today and its a 4AA - the best grade possible, she called it text book!!! This made me cry - I did it, I actually made a good embryo (ok so they helped us a little but still hee hee). I had been told that we could get a photo of our embie so I asked - they said they no longer like to do this due to the added risks of having to move the embie more so we were fine with not adding further risk. They then said that we would see if on a TV screen before its transferred back into me.
So the specialist came in - was the same one from the collection so I was stoked again, he is so good and explains everything along the way and makes me feel so at ease. Just what I need :)
Anyways he gave a quick check of my fufu for infection and as he was doing this the tv screen came on - firstly it showed our petri-dish with my name on it to prove its the right one, and then we saw it - our precious wee embie. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen!!! We were both mesmerised by it - science sure is amazing!! I had earlier said to my husband to take a photo of the screen but he was so busy looking he forgot ha ha. Its all good, I can let him away with it ;)
Anyways, basically our wee embie looked like this:
Isn't that just incredible!!!!
Next the embryologist brought in our catheter with the embryo in it, it was inserted into me and then when finished it was taken away to be checked to make sure it was out which it was. Job done. After a 5min lie down I was out of there!!!
In regards to the freezing of any spare, they are leaving them one more day to culture and give them the best possible chance to survive a thaw but looking like will have 1 or 2. Again, so so happy!!!
So afterwards I went off for another acupuncture session, had a nice long lunch with a good friend and now im at home with the pets chilling.
So FANTASTIC day, couldn't have wished for anything better at this stage of the game. Now all we need is for this precious wee embie to get all snug in me for the next 9months or so!!! For now I am blissfully PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise x
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Day 19
Holy heck, its the day before one of our eggs are transferred back into me. I can't believe its actually happening!! Feeling nervous, scared, excited - you name it!! Im also looking forward to hearing at what stage my eggies are at again, hopefully we are blessed. A girl in my IVF support group just got her BFP on her 5th attempt of treatment and after only having 3 eggs.... gives me hope!
I have the day off tomorrow. Will have acupuncture pre and post transfer, then im meeting a friend for lunch which will be nice. Other than that I plan to chill out so my wee embie can start to get snuggly!!!
Please, please, please let this work!!! I want this so much. I don't ask for much, but please let me be a mama. Fingers crossed x
I have the day off tomorrow. Will have acupuncture pre and post transfer, then im meeting a friend for lunch which will be nice. Other than that I plan to chill out so my wee embie can start to get snuggly!!!
Please, please, please let this work!!! I want this so much. I don't ask for much, but please let me be a mama. Fingers crossed x
Monday, September 5, 2011
Day 18
Well its been an action packed day - not what I need!!
It started yesterday at about 1-1.30pm. I suddenly got a feeling that I needed to be quite close to a loo as I was going to explode! So went home and no result. Lay down for a wee bit and then the diarrhea began. After 2 bouts I was done and then had a sleep. Woke up and was still feeling uncomfortable but things were bearable. Just chilled out for the rest of the evening. Went to sleep and woke in the night a couple of times with the pains in my tummy and it was still there this morning. Throughout the morning the pain started intensifying until I was crippled over in pain - felt like stabbing and was so uncomfortable. I started to worry that something may be wrong other than just bowel so rang the clinic and they said to come in straight away for a check up to rule out OHSS.
So I got there and the doctor scanned me - my ovaries were enlarged quite a bit but nothing more than they would expect following stimulation's. She checked to make sure there was no free-flowing fluid anywhere and that was clear. My bladder was enlarged (but I was busting for the loo so no concerns). My bowel wasn't impacted but she said that it was very active, what ever that means. The end result is that she thinks everything is related to the bowel/diarrhea from yesterday but I have had some blood tests to rule things out like infection etc. Best thing is that it won't effect my transfer on Wednesday which is what I was most worried about, phew!!!
Im sure all is fine, but can't help worrying and don't want to jeopardise anything!!! Still having pains but just chilling at home hoping they will go away eventually. Have been cleared to have some panadol so thats good.
So after all this I was feeling quite anxious about everything. I also started to worry about my wee embies - a girl in my support group had a collection today and got 12 eggs, and most other people seem to get better numbers than me so I started to panic that things won't work. I called the embryologist to get an update to help put my mind at ease and all 4 have gone on to 8-cell stage so doing exactly as they should!!! I may not have many but they are fighting on so yay!!!
Right, no more dramas please - I wouldn't mind being the forgotten girl in the background for the next wee while until transfer Wednesday morning!!
It started yesterday at about 1-1.30pm. I suddenly got a feeling that I needed to be quite close to a loo as I was going to explode! So went home and no result. Lay down for a wee bit and then the diarrhea began. After 2 bouts I was done and then had a sleep. Woke up and was still feeling uncomfortable but things were bearable. Just chilled out for the rest of the evening. Went to sleep and woke in the night a couple of times with the pains in my tummy and it was still there this morning. Throughout the morning the pain started intensifying until I was crippled over in pain - felt like stabbing and was so uncomfortable. I started to worry that something may be wrong other than just bowel so rang the clinic and they said to come in straight away for a check up to rule out OHSS.
So I got there and the doctor scanned me - my ovaries were enlarged quite a bit but nothing more than they would expect following stimulation's. She checked to make sure there was no free-flowing fluid anywhere and that was clear. My bladder was enlarged (but I was busting for the loo so no concerns). My bowel wasn't impacted but she said that it was very active, what ever that means. The end result is that she thinks everything is related to the bowel/diarrhea from yesterday but I have had some blood tests to rule things out like infection etc. Best thing is that it won't effect my transfer on Wednesday which is what I was most worried about, phew!!!
Im sure all is fine, but can't help worrying and don't want to jeopardise anything!!! Still having pains but just chilling at home hoping they will go away eventually. Have been cleared to have some panadol so thats good.
So after all this I was feeling quite anxious about everything. I also started to worry about my wee embies - a girl in my support group had a collection today and got 12 eggs, and most other people seem to get better numbers than me so I started to panic that things won't work. I called the embryologist to get an update to help put my mind at ease and all 4 have gone on to 8-cell stage so doing exactly as they should!!! I may not have many but they are fighting on so yay!!!
Right, no more dramas please - I wouldn't mind being the forgotten girl in the background for the next wee while until transfer Wednesday morning!!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Day 17
Nothing much to report today - still feeling tired but tenderness has now all gone which is good. Just waiting it out to Wednesday, wondering what my wee embies are doing.... hope they are having a great old party in their wee petrie-dishes hee hee.
Fathers day today - next time we will celebrate it for real!! All though our fur babies Cole and Max made my hubby feel special.
On another note, its been 1 year since the start of the earthquakes here in Christchurch. Wow, its so surreal that its been that long or that we have even endured what we have! But only need to look around our home or our streets and we know that it wasn't a dream... not to mention the ongoing shakes we still get. It's been a tiring time but we will come through this, as we will our fertility journey.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved" (Helen Keller)
Fathers day today - next time we will celebrate it for real!! All though our fur babies Cole and Max made my hubby feel special.
On another note, its been 1 year since the start of the earthquakes here in Christchurch. Wow, its so surreal that its been that long or that we have even endured what we have! But only need to look around our home or our streets and we know that it wasn't a dream... not to mention the ongoing shakes we still get. It's been a tiring time but we will come through this, as we will our fertility journey.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved" (Helen Keller)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Day 16
Today im not feeling too many effects of my surgery yesterday - feeling a bit tender, kind of like bruising in my lower abdomen but otherwise great! Still feel quite tired though but I guess the hormones will need to wear off. Started the progesterone pressaries which for all the build up wasn't too bad, definitely something I can live with doing! I have to put 2 up my vajayjay 3x a day, fun fun!!
We heard from the embryologist this morning - of our 6 eggs retrieved all 6 were mature and 4 were fertilised!!! We are so stoked with this - means we are looking at a 5 day transfer!!! Still got a bit of growing to do in order to get to blastocyst but they were hopeful we would get the 1 egg to fresh transfer and hopefully 1 more to freeze. Wow, to us this is just amazing - after the rocky road we have traveled on this IVF cycle thus far we would be just stoked to get 1 but 2 would be amazing (and of course any more than this would be fantastic). The way I felt on Monday after that scan I was sure this wouldn't work for us but now I see this as a minor miracle and that our luck is turning. We are both keeping so positive and hopeful - im sure this next few weeks will be another up and down journey but for now we will just believe.....
So for now, im a mum to 4 embies - keep growing little ones!!!
We heard from the embryologist this morning - of our 6 eggs retrieved all 6 were mature and 4 were fertilised!!! We are so stoked with this - means we are looking at a 5 day transfer!!! Still got a bit of growing to do in order to get to blastocyst but they were hopeful we would get the 1 egg to fresh transfer and hopefully 1 more to freeze. Wow, to us this is just amazing - after the rocky road we have traveled on this IVF cycle thus far we would be just stoked to get 1 but 2 would be amazing (and of course any more than this would be fantastic). The way I felt on Monday after that scan I was sure this wouldn't work for us but now I see this as a minor miracle and that our luck is turning. We are both keeping so positive and hopeful - im sure this next few weeks will be another up and down journey but for now we will just believe.....
So for now, im a mum to 4 embies - keep growing little ones!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day 15 - Egg collection
Had a bit of a bad sleep last night - mostly because of the earthquake in the night, 4.9. It was quite sharp and took off a bit and I was thinking you have to be kidding me, something else to add to this rocky IVF cycle!! ha ha.
Luckily it stopped and I went back to sleep when I realised there would be no more, a good hour or so later. I then woke up at 6am to have a little bit to eat as needed to eat no later than 6.45am and then went back to bed for a little bit longer.
When I did get up I spent the morning doing the thing I love most - listening and singing to music. I was nervous however this helped keep me calm! But finally it was time for us to leave home and head to the clinic... now the nerves kicked in.
When we got there, they were running about 15-20mins late. Hubby went off to give his contribution and I was taken into a room where I had to get into a gown, take a valium to calm me, have my BP and temp done and then sit with a hot water bottle on my hands until the doc came in. While we were waiting the embryologist came in and talked to us about what to expect - she said that if only 1 fertilised we would be looking at a day 3 transfer however the hope is we can get to day 5 as more chance of the fertilised egg getting to blastocyst which is the best possible result. Was good to talk to her and meet who would be looking after my wee embies.
The doc finally came in - wasn't my usual specialist but it was the big honcho medical director/specialist and it would be him that would be doing the procedure. I actually felt really good about this - like I was in the best possible care!
So once a line was put in my hand, I went through to theater. Hubby came in too which was really nice. It was a nice and relaxed atmosphere, music playing, lots of chatting and laughing (despite the fact my feet were up on the lovely stirrups and my vajayjay out on show). I was given some vicodin and wow that hit me quick - made me very dopey and drowsy, but still with it enough to ask questions. I then had a local put in somewhere in my uterus and the procedure began. He had the dildocam on to look at all the follicles and then he took them out one-by-one by draining them. They were then handed over to the embryologist who was able to look at them straight away and see which of them had eggs in them. We managed to get 6 eggs from 7 follicles - everyone was very pleased with this, and they constantly stressed that its about quality not quantity. I was then taken to recovery for about an hour to rest and then have a little something to eat and drink.
Im now home, a little tender but nothing too bad. Had a 2hour sleep which was good. My darling husband is waiting on me, catering to my every need - such a sweetheart, don't know what I would do without him.
Now we wait! This afternoon after the sperm has been spun and the best ones found they add them to the eggies and overnight they fertilise. Tomorrow morning we will find out how many have fertilised out of our 6. We are hoping that in amongst our wee embies there is a fighter or 2.... we really want to meet him/her one day so keep fighting!!!
Luckily it stopped and I went back to sleep when I realised there would be no more, a good hour or so later. I then woke up at 6am to have a little bit to eat as needed to eat no later than 6.45am and then went back to bed for a little bit longer.
When I did get up I spent the morning doing the thing I love most - listening and singing to music. I was nervous however this helped keep me calm! But finally it was time for us to leave home and head to the clinic... now the nerves kicked in.
When we got there, they were running about 15-20mins late. Hubby went off to give his contribution and I was taken into a room where I had to get into a gown, take a valium to calm me, have my BP and temp done and then sit with a hot water bottle on my hands until the doc came in. While we were waiting the embryologist came in and talked to us about what to expect - she said that if only 1 fertilised we would be looking at a day 3 transfer however the hope is we can get to day 5 as more chance of the fertilised egg getting to blastocyst which is the best possible result. Was good to talk to her and meet who would be looking after my wee embies.
The doc finally came in - wasn't my usual specialist but it was the big honcho medical director/specialist and it would be him that would be doing the procedure. I actually felt really good about this - like I was in the best possible care!
So once a line was put in my hand, I went through to theater. Hubby came in too which was really nice. It was a nice and relaxed atmosphere, music playing, lots of chatting and laughing (despite the fact my feet were up on the lovely stirrups and my vajayjay out on show). I was given some vicodin and wow that hit me quick - made me very dopey and drowsy, but still with it enough to ask questions. I then had a local put in somewhere in my uterus and the procedure began. He had the dildocam on to look at all the follicles and then he took them out one-by-one by draining them. They were then handed over to the embryologist who was able to look at them straight away and see which of them had eggs in them. We managed to get 6 eggs from 7 follicles - everyone was very pleased with this, and they constantly stressed that its about quality not quantity. I was then taken to recovery for about an hour to rest and then have a little something to eat and drink.
Im now home, a little tender but nothing too bad. Had a 2hour sleep which was good. My darling husband is waiting on me, catering to my every need - such a sweetheart, don't know what I would do without him.
Now we wait! This afternoon after the sperm has been spun and the best ones found they add them to the eggies and overnight they fertilise. Tomorrow morning we will find out how many have fertilised out of our 6. We are hoping that in amongst our wee embies there is a fighter or 2.... we really want to meet him/her one day so keep fighting!!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 14
Its the day before my egg collection, my time is so close. All and all I have felt really good today - positive, happy and excited. Im starting to get nervous now - while I know what happens, I still don't know what to expect. Im so hopeful that we get some positive results, and if not... well we will deal with that if it happens. For now im focusing on enjoying the rest of my night, keeping calm and believing in all things good and that this is my time!!!
Keep safe and well little follies xx
Keep safe and well little follies xx
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Day 13
Its time to get my trigger on!!!!
Yip thats right, scan and bloods today showed improvements with my follicles - they had grown in size and amount!!! Im so so happy - finally walked away from a scan feeling happy (it only took 5 attempts)!!! And it didn't matter that they took 2 goes to get my blood out, or that today's jab gave me my first bruise.... cos it's all part of the cause!!!!
So tonight at 10.45pm we do the trigger shot of Ovidrel, tomorrow is a day off meds and then on Friday morning at 10.45am I have my collection. Its amazing what some good news does, im beaming!!!
Yip thats right, scan and bloods today showed improvements with my follicles - they had grown in size and amount!!! Im so so happy - finally walked away from a scan feeling happy (it only took 5 attempts)!!! And it didn't matter that they took 2 goes to get my blood out, or that today's jab gave me my first bruise.... cos it's all part of the cause!!!!
So tonight at 10.45pm we do the trigger shot of Ovidrel, tomorrow is a day off meds and then on Friday morning at 10.45am I have my collection. Its amazing what some good news does, im beaming!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Day 12
Today I had a "me" day at home. I woke up and started to get ready for work but with this meds im having daily icky poos (sorry for the too much info on that) and today I just felt ick so decided it would do me the world of good to have a day to myself to refocus and deal with the disappointments of yesterday. It was the best thing I could have done! I went back to bed and stayed there until midday until I got up for lunch, then watched back to back episodes of one of my favourite programs, played ball with my dog, went to acupuncture and then had a nice Thai dinner. I barely even thought about the IVF. I just relaxed.
I had a good talk with hubby last night about how I was feeling about it all. Was good to get things off my chest and realise that my "perfect dream" of lots of follicles and then lots of chances is not the reality of things. It is what it is - my cards have been dealt. I need to focus on these being the best ones available to me, what ever the final number at collection. Its a rocky road - im entitled to grieve the set backs and disappointments.... but I need to move on otherwise I will just go crazy!!
A good friend of mine said it to me perfectly "Don't give up - it is a tough and crappy journey you are on but your baby is waiting for you. One follicle - one egg - one sperm - one baby! I believe in you"
Its time I believe in myself too x
I had a good talk with hubby last night about how I was feeling about it all. Was good to get things off my chest and realise that my "perfect dream" of lots of follicles and then lots of chances is not the reality of things. It is what it is - my cards have been dealt. I need to focus on these being the best ones available to me, what ever the final number at collection. Its a rocky road - im entitled to grieve the set backs and disappointments.... but I need to move on otherwise I will just go crazy!!
A good friend of mine said it to me perfectly "Don't give up - it is a tough and crappy journey you are on but your baby is waiting for you. One follicle - one egg - one sperm - one baby! I believe in you"
Its time I believe in myself too x
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day 11
Today is not a good day :(
Had my scan this morning - looking like will only have about 4 mature follicles now. Still have lots of little ones that I guess have the potential to still grow but probably unlikely. Most of the mature ones are only about 11mm with the exception of one which is about 16mm. I know people say its about quality not quantity, or it only takes one, but shit this is a lot of pressure!! Thats 4 now, but with fertilisation the likely hood is im only going to get the 1! Again I know that people can have all good numbers following fertilising but that can't be an every day occurance. I've heard of too many people that only get the 1 transferred as that was all that was decent.
And to top it all off found out my blood test results this afternoon were still quite a wee way off where they need to be (although still rising) so the predicted egg collection of Friday given to me this morning is now potentially next Monday.
How do I keep positive? I don't know how! I broke down at work today, it's just so so hard. I have honestly tried to remain positive or turn my negativity around but I just feel like everything has been against me since I took my first jab. I actually feel quite alone in this journey, feel like a broken negative record. Im in an online support group who don't seem to even post on my posts. My husband is so stressed with work that I feel I can't give him more pressure. Friends and family understand to a certain degree but don't really get it. I just want someone to say something other than they know it will work - how, how do they know? No-one knows, there are no guarantees. This is the final straw in trying for a baby - I have done everything else, and yet there is still no guarantees! Today I don't feel I have the strength to carry on - how can I make it through the next phases of this? How do I find the will to believe that it will be ok???
I wish I knew how to answer that....
Had my scan this morning - looking like will only have about 4 mature follicles now. Still have lots of little ones that I guess have the potential to still grow but probably unlikely. Most of the mature ones are only about 11mm with the exception of one which is about 16mm. I know people say its about quality not quantity, or it only takes one, but shit this is a lot of pressure!! Thats 4 now, but with fertilisation the likely hood is im only going to get the 1! Again I know that people can have all good numbers following fertilising but that can't be an every day occurance. I've heard of too many people that only get the 1 transferred as that was all that was decent.
And to top it all off found out my blood test results this afternoon were still quite a wee way off where they need to be (although still rising) so the predicted egg collection of Friday given to me this morning is now potentially next Monday.
How do I keep positive? I don't know how! I broke down at work today, it's just so so hard. I have honestly tried to remain positive or turn my negativity around but I just feel like everything has been against me since I took my first jab. I actually feel quite alone in this journey, feel like a broken negative record. Im in an online support group who don't seem to even post on my posts. My husband is so stressed with work that I feel I can't give him more pressure. Friends and family understand to a certain degree but don't really get it. I just want someone to say something other than they know it will work - how, how do they know? No-one knows, there are no guarantees. This is the final straw in trying for a baby - I have done everything else, and yet there is still no guarantees! Today I don't feel I have the strength to carry on - how can I make it through the next phases of this? How do I find the will to believe that it will be ok???
I wish I knew how to answer that....
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Day 10
I had my first dose of Orgalutran last night - ouch, thats the most painful of them all so far. I could feel it more going in and out - hubby said he thought it was harder to put in too. It stung as it was going in and for quite a while afterwards.... and then a rash appeared. My god, what a panic that sent me into - I was worried thinking "no not again". This rash was different, it was almost instant this time. I put some frozen corn (didn't have any ice) on it to help take away the sting and also to stop the spread of the rash. After about 30mins the sting was gone but the rash was still there but hadn't spread so I took that to be a good thing. After a few hours it had all but gone and I didn't wake up this morning with any hideous rashes so yay success!!!
Im feeling ok - less pain in my lower abdo which I attribute to being low key and not up and about like I am at work. Im still super tired though, can't quite catch up on that.
Today one of my friends had a baby shower - again I wasn't invited. I don't know why they feel they can't invite me to these things, its really hurtful! Maybe were not friends in her eyes although she did come to our wedding. I give up trying to work these things out - maybe it is because im the infertile/miscarrying girl, or maybe its just apart of life. I have my close friends who have stuck by me and that's all that matters.
Scan and bloods tomorrow to start off a busy week for us :)
Im feeling ok - less pain in my lower abdo which I attribute to being low key and not up and about like I am at work. Im still super tired though, can't quite catch up on that.
Today one of my friends had a baby shower - again I wasn't invited. I don't know why they feel they can't invite me to these things, its really hurtful! Maybe were not friends in her eyes although she did come to our wedding. I give up trying to work these things out - maybe it is because im the infertile/miscarrying girl, or maybe its just apart of life. I have my close friends who have stuck by me and that's all that matters.
Scan and bloods tomorrow to start off a busy week for us :)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Day 9
This morning I had my scan. I have about 10-12 follicles on each ovary at this stage but most of them are quite small, the largest was 12mm. So im still slowly responding but the specialist said I have the potential to all of a sudden just "kick off" and grow super fast so they have booked me in for another scan on Monday. At this stage its looking like egg collection will be Friday however if I start rapidly growing it will be Wednesday. All in all they don't seem to be worried by things, said its all quite normal but I just can't help but worry! They said it looks like I will get about 7-8 mature follicles, this doesn't seem like a good number to me - I know it only takes 1 but I want as much chance as possible for it to be "the one".
I can atleast start the Orgalutran tonight so I guess that's progress. Argh, such a stressful time!!! Atleast the sun is shining so im going to try and do something to cheer me up and stop me from worrying!!!
I can atleast start the Orgalutran tonight so I guess that's progress. Argh, such a stressful time!!! Atleast the sun is shining so im going to try and do something to cheer me up and stop me from worrying!!!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Day 8
Blood test this morning - still not ready to start Orgalutran which means im slow responding to the meds. One can't help but get worried by this - I know it can be quite common/normal to happen but still im worried. Hopefully the scan tomorrow will help put me at ease. They said my bloods are rising so I guess thats good, and surely the discomfort im having in my uterus can't all be for nothing!!! Its becoming so full in my tummy thats for sure!
Had acupuncture tonight - she was working on trying to help the blood flow to aid the follicle growth. I fell asleep during my session - have been so tired!!! It was nice to relax. I have also been listening to the Circle+Bloom audio MP3's just before bed - its been nice to have something to relax me before sleep so that my mind isn't on 100 things or stressing out. The program has different audio's to listen to dependent on what cycle day I am, and when I do my egg collection and transfer there are specific ones again.
Symptoms today are much the same only more intense - fatigue, sore tummy, sore lower abdo, sore boobs. I also had a bout of icky tummy last night and this morning which was a treat... not!!!!
Scan tomorrow, bring me some good news!!!
Had acupuncture tonight - she was working on trying to help the blood flow to aid the follicle growth. I fell asleep during my session - have been so tired!!! It was nice to relax. I have also been listening to the Circle+Bloom audio MP3's just before bed - its been nice to have something to relax me before sleep so that my mind isn't on 100 things or stressing out. The program has different audio's to listen to dependent on what cycle day I am, and when I do my egg collection and transfer there are specific ones again.
Symptoms today are much the same only more intense - fatigue, sore tummy, sore lower abdo, sore boobs. I also had a bout of icky tummy last night and this morning which was a treat... not!!!!
Scan tomorrow, bring me some good news!!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Day 7
Today im not feeling great - starting to get a tight feeling in my lower abdomen which is becoming uncomfortable, my tummy feels queezy, I feel so tired and my breasts hurt. On top of that, im just feeling as though its all a bit hard at the moment which is making me feel emotional. Whether its doing my planning for next week and not knowing how I can when I don't know the day of egg collection, or driving on the bumpy roads of Christchurch which is hurting my boobs and stomach.... im just feeling a bit over it all today and just want to hide from the world. Wishing I had arranged time off from work now to help cope and get me through the next few weeks :(
Tomorrow is a new day...........
Tomorrow is a new day...........
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Day 6
Today I had my first blood test and scan. Scan showed 8 follicles on my left ovary and 5 on my right, all only 8mm or less at this stage. I was kind of hoping there would be more in there but I guess quality is better than quantity. Bloods just sat with where things are right now - nothing too exciting. Not yet ready to introduce the next drug Orgalutran but I have another blood test on Friday which will tell whether I need to start then or not. The nurses at the clinic said to me that they feel nervous with me now after my reaction as this next drug is the one that people seem to react to... I told them that them telling me this only makes me nervous!!! Argh, so not what I need. Next scan is Saturday morning, lets hope things have moved along nicely.
Symptoms wise im feeling very fatigued, got an ick feeling in my tummy, abdo is feeling a bit fuller, boobs are a bit tender and im getting hot flushes. Not feeling too emotional, just stressed with the way this cycle has started and stupid comments like that this morning.
Grow follies grow!!!
Symptoms wise im feeling very fatigued, got an ick feeling in my tummy, abdo is feeling a bit fuller, boobs are a bit tender and im getting hot flushes. Not feeling too emotional, just stressed with the way this cycle has started and stupid comments like that this morning.
Grow follies grow!!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Day 5
Still no new rash so yay!! Puregon is working - onwards and upwards!!!
Nothing to report symptoms wise, just feeling a bit tired but thats all. First scan is tomorrow morning so lets hope that we see loads of follicles starting to grow!! Still worried that the glip will be a setback for the growth but trying to keep as positive as possible.
Nothing to report symptoms wise, just feeling a bit tired but thats all. First scan is tomorrow morning so lets hope that we see loads of follicles starting to grow!! Still worried that the glip will be a setback for the growth but trying to keep as positive as possible.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Day 4
Today, I began Puregon. So far so good - no red rash, still have some spots from the Gonal-F however they aren't worse than this morning so all is looking good for the moment. It was however 11hours after I took the Gonal-F that I got the rash so im not out of the woods just yet - hoping like hell tho that there is no reaction as Repromed have told me if I do get one they will have to cancel the treatment and look at other options. They decided not to give me another dose tonight but to instead wait to make sure I definitly don't react - PLEASE don't react!!!
So at the moment im feeling a little bit fuller down in my abdomen but not too bad. Other than that, im just feeling a little ick and a bit emotional however I think that is more down to the stress over the last couple of days. Nothing else really to note symptom wise at this point. Bring on the follie growing!
So at the moment im feeling a little bit fuller down in my abdomen but not too bad. Other than that, im just feeling a little ick and a bit emotional however I think that is more down to the stress over the last couple of days. Nothing else really to note symptom wise at this point. Bring on the follie growing!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Gonal-F out... Puregon in
FINALLY hear from one of the Repromed doctors (via the oncall nurse) and I have been advised to stop the Gonal-F medication all together. They have said its ok for me to have an over the counter antihistermine pill and cream so I have got me some of that as the rash has come back worse than before :(
So whats next? They are going to try me with another FSH drug Puregon tomorrow morning, and then I will have another dose tomorrow night. I asked about me missing tonights dose and what effects this will have on things in the long run and the nurse couldn't really offer me any answers to this other than saying that tomorrow mornings dose would be ok. I know I need to trust in them but its so hard... they harp on about not missing a dose or the need to do things exactly on time, and here I am missing my second dose! Its just all so disheartening and I feel like my emotions are all over the place today. I want this to work - I don't get allergic reactions usually yet Murphy's Law, Im allergic to my IVF meds!!!
Please please please don't let this change the outcome, I beg of you!!
So whats next? They are going to try me with another FSH drug Puregon tomorrow morning, and then I will have another dose tomorrow night. I asked about me missing tonights dose and what effects this will have on things in the long run and the nurse couldn't really offer me any answers to this other than saying that tomorrow mornings dose would be ok. I know I need to trust in them but its so hard... they harp on about not missing a dose or the need to do things exactly on time, and here I am missing my second dose! Its just all so disheartening and I feel like my emotions are all over the place today. I want this to work - I don't get allergic reactions usually yet Murphy's Law, Im allergic to my IVF meds!!!
Please please please don't let this change the outcome, I beg of you!!
Day 3
Its been an eventful morning....
I woke up with a rash that was on my face, neck, shoulders, chest and back. It was patchy red and itchy. It progressed down my arms and to my hands. The only thing it could really have been related to was my GonalF so I rang the on call nurse to get some advice. She initially said to just put some cream on it however I stressed that it was on my face and neck and seemed to be getting worse so she said she would call me back when she spoke with a doctor. 30mins later and she wasn't able to get in touch with a doctor so she recommended I went to the after hours clinic.
So we went there and waited an hour and a half. In this time my rash had virtually cleared so I wasn't too concerned, but just wondered what next. The doctor said it was a definite allergic reaction and her recommendation would be to not have anymore medications and wait till can talk to specialists tomorrow. I said I couldn't do this - I wasn't prepared to stop, that the reaction isn't too bad. As she couldn't guarantee that the next reaction wouldn't be worse, she said I would therefore need to go into hospital to have the next dose and then be monitored over night incase I went into anaphylactic shock and would need some medications as this could be serious.
Wow, I just can't believe this is happening. This is a tough road as it is and now im allergic to the medication needed to help get me pregnant!!! I only hope like hell there is an alternative medication I can take - would be great if I could get this today however thats unlikely (especially as no one can get ahold of the doctors at Repromed), so going into hospital is the next best thing to ensure I can keep taking the medication and not ruin things. Hopefully this wee blip won't effect the overall outcome however its hard to remain positive at this stage.
I just keep crying. This was meant to be my time.
I woke up with a rash that was on my face, neck, shoulders, chest and back. It was patchy red and itchy. It progressed down my arms and to my hands. The only thing it could really have been related to was my GonalF so I rang the on call nurse to get some advice. She initially said to just put some cream on it however I stressed that it was on my face and neck and seemed to be getting worse so she said she would call me back when she spoke with a doctor. 30mins later and she wasn't able to get in touch with a doctor so she recommended I went to the after hours clinic.
So we went there and waited an hour and a half. In this time my rash had virtually cleared so I wasn't too concerned, but just wondered what next. The doctor said it was a definite allergic reaction and her recommendation would be to not have anymore medications and wait till can talk to specialists tomorrow. I said I couldn't do this - I wasn't prepared to stop, that the reaction isn't too bad. As she couldn't guarantee that the next reaction wouldn't be worse, she said I would therefore need to go into hospital to have the next dose and then be monitored over night incase I went into anaphylactic shock and would need some medications as this could be serious.
Wow, I just can't believe this is happening. This is a tough road as it is and now im allergic to the medication needed to help get me pregnant!!! I only hope like hell there is an alternative medication I can take - would be great if I could get this today however thats unlikely (especially as no one can get ahold of the doctors at Repromed), so going into hospital is the next best thing to ensure I can keep taking the medication and not ruin things. Hopefully this wee blip won't effect the overall outcome however its hard to remain positive at this stage.
I just keep crying. This was meant to be my time.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
First jab
Have just done the first of many injections. My hubby was the administer - we were both just so anxious that we did it a little bit earlier than we planned as the anticipation was making the anxiety worse!! But it didn't hurt and was very easy. A small scrape on my skin when the needle came out but other than that, it was a success!!
Now come on drugs, do your work - grow follicles, grow!!!
Now come on drugs, do your work - grow follicles, grow!!!
Cycle day 2 - its all on!!!
After freaking out about things the other night I started spotting yesterday. Repromed didn't think it would eventuate into a full blown period so I was booked in for a scan this morning to check my endometrium lining was low.... which it was (3mm)!!! This means we start our GonalF injections tonight, and im officially doing IVF!!! I have also started to have a full blown period with good fresh blood which im so so happy about - feel like im having a proper clean out in preparation of my impending pregnancy!!!
Feeling nervous but confident, this is my time. Im ready. I have done all I can to get to this point. The power of positivity is going to help me conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy until I have my baby in my arms!
Will be doing daily updates to let you know how it all goes :)
Feeling nervous but confident, this is my time. Im ready. I have done all I can to get to this point. The power of positivity is going to help me conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy until I have my baby in my arms!
Will be doing daily updates to let you know how it all goes :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
still waiting....
So aunty flow still hasn't greeted me!!! I had a blood test today to see what my levels are doing and they are back at baseline. I spoke with the nurse at Repromed and she said they were waiting to hear from the docs on when I should start, probably tomorrow but she would let me know.... and im still waiting to hear back!!!
I called the on-call nurse to ask her and she didn't know either and only assumes that I must be starting tomorrow and that someone will likely call me then. But what if I was meant to start tonight?? does it matter if I don't start on time?? does it matter that I haven't even had a period?? Im sure they wouldn't let me do a cycle if it wasn't, but it just doesn't feel right to me that I haven't had a decent bleed in months!!!
I haven't even begun this journey yet and I already feel stressed. Im hating this limbo. I just want to get on but at the same time my confidence of this working is dwindling :(
I called the on-call nurse to ask her and she didn't know either and only assumes that I must be starting tomorrow and that someone will likely call me then. But what if I was meant to start tonight?? does it matter if I don't start on time?? does it matter that I haven't even had a period?? Im sure they wouldn't let me do a cycle if it wasn't, but it just doesn't feel right to me that I haven't had a decent bleed in months!!!
I haven't even begun this journey yet and I already feel stressed. Im hating this limbo. I just want to get on but at the same time my confidence of this working is dwindling :(
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