So following our failed FET's, we tried our best to accept the hand that had been played to us. I started to sell off our baby items, we attempted to get used to the idea of having only one child but it didn't happen. We decided to look at our options....
We went to an evening about adoption or home for life. Gosh what an eye-opener that was. So many children with such unfortunate circumstances. It's such a long shot, especially here in Christchurch. So the chances were prity slim of it happening. So what next???
We took out a loan... time to go the private IVF route! Once we made this decision, it seemed so clear to us, why didn't we think of this sooner??? We were so lucky to have success with a fresh transfer last time, surely luck will be on our side. And if not, well then we can say we truly did try everything. Given the costs of privately funded treatments, we knew we only had the one shot at it as we couldn't afford to keep trying - this was a stretch for us as it was... But it felt right to give it a go!
So we started when my period arrived in August. Back to the jabs, back to the bloating, back to the hardship of IVF. This time was so much different too - I was making heaps of embies, the pressure was insane!! So much more painful this time round.
We had our scan which showed that I had something like 16 eggs on one side and 15 on the other, all of varying sizes. My trigger injection was different this time, I had Burselin as its more used for those at risk of OHSS. God please don't let me get that - we desperately wanted our fresh transfer as thats what worked for us!
Day of collection was horrible. I was crying while they were doing it, thinking how horrible it is that these are the lengths we have to go to get our family, why can't it be easy for us??? I was also crying from the pain, I could feel so much more this time round, they needed to top up my pain relief through it. Afterwards I felt nausea's, cramping and just like utter crap. But on the good news front we got eggs total, woo hoo!!! Last time we only got 6!!!
Of the 16 eggs we got, 9 fertilised - again things were better!!! It took me a few days to get better following the collection, it really did take it out of me. We were lucky and got to 5 day blastocyst and we had the same grade embie transferred as our daughter!!!! Again another good sign. We also got 3 in the freezer, last time we only had 2. So all in all great improvements from last time and again I was in another two week wait!!
Nothing really major was happening to me during the 2 week wait, nothing that I could pass off as being pregnant. I was starting to feel despondent the closer I was getting to my blood test day. It was a Sunday and I felt an urge to test, just to get it off my chest.... it was positive!!! I just couldn't believe it!! I did another test the day before my blood test and yip, positive again and the line was darker!!!
So we did it, we had IVF success again! Blood test showed really great numbers and when I did another test the rise was great. We couldn't believe it!!!
So since being pregnant, lots has happened for me.... needless to say the bumpy road to a baby got even more bumpy.
At around 5weeks I started to get some spotting on and off up until 6 weeks. This is when the spotting turned to bright red bleeding. I spent about 3hrs on the loo where blood was flooding out of me. It was a horrible experience. I passed a massive clot which we only assumed was our baby. Following this the bleeding stopped. Both myself and my hubby were in tears for the loss of our child. I felt so empty. The next day we had our dating scan which we still went ahead with to make sure that I had fully miscarried. When we were at the specialists he kept saying how yes it didn't sound good but you never know... I was like "dick, of course I know". So we did the scan.... and what do you know, we had a baby with a strong heartbeat for our dates and perfect growth. We were literally stunned. They also couldn't find any explanation for the bleed. So we had a couple more scans over the next few weeks and everything was going as it should!!
At 9weeks I had another little bleed, nothing major but enough to get me nervous again. So we had another scan and of course all was ok. As im rhesus negative I have to get anti-D with each bleed also, just another wee thing.
A couple of days later I started to get really sick. I thought great, my morning sickness has come back with a vengeance. I spent a day vomiting, I was having hot and cold chills, I felt feverish. Again, horrible. I ended up going to hospital where I fainted. They gave me fluids and I had to stay in over night as my blood pressure was low and my heart rate too fast.
So its been a turbulent first trimester!!! But today I am 13weeks and all is still going well. I am still in disbelief that I am pregnant again and that our family will be growing. I have spent the last few months putting up a wall to protect myself from impending loss but our bubba sure is a fighter and now its time I start believing in him or her also xx
