That kind of information is not useful!!!

So yea, I still haven't ovulated. Its CD24. I have a guaranteed 40day cycle at best. Grrrrr


So I emailed my acupuncturist about it yesterday, asking her to look at my chart and comment. She said to "hang in there" and that it will get easier over the next few months and that "Deep stirrings are at work with your treatment and it will show soon"


Today I had another temp drop so was feeling despondent and again asked her her thoughts and if there was anything else that I could be doing to help things along i.e with herbs. My response.... Im becoming "charting obsessive", to try and "relax with it for now" and basically that if its best to not chart to help me psychologically then thats what I should do!!! WTF


The only reason why I care about the charting is that it still shows that im not ovulating!!! What I was asking was related to acu, I was just using the chart to show that my temps are still so low.




And then later today, I rang Repromed to see that its still on track for getting my letter May/June to only be told it will be more like July and thats only at a guess... I rang the waiting list person, its her job to know where I am and how long it is till im at the top!!!!


Im sick of it all .... sick, sick, sick, sick, SICK OF IT!!!

over it

well its a new day, and with it comes a new temp... a low fricken temp. Im not convinced I have even ovulated now.... so over this journey, I hate it

Let the waiting begin....again

Looks like I have ovulated - day 20, a bit better than last cycle!! I still have really low temps so im not feeling confident but I guess its early days yet, only 1dpo today... let the symptom spotting begin!


Today we saw a couple who my hubby knows, they told us how they were expecting there second bubba. You could see how excited this father-to-be was as he patted his partner tum. My hubby later said to me how he can't wait to be showing off my tum and the excitement that its us expecting. I think its easy to forget that the men go through this journey with us, probably because they don't get as obsessive about it. But they hurt, and they want. He said he found it hard to answer when his friend asked if we had any plans to start our own family - he fobbed off the question. It sadden's me that its me thats delaying our dream of a family, stupid PCOS :(


Still no news on IVF, I have resigned myself to it not happening this year. No point thinking it will. Lets hope the acupuncture continues to work and we are one of the lucky ones that it works quickly for... dreams are free afterall!

The only way is up

So last night I broke down. Its the first time in a long while that I have just sobbed and sobbed. It was triggered from watching "Greys Anatomy" when a character on there had a miscarriage. I don't know why that particularly hit a spot, its not like I haven't heard of others misfortune of having to go through the ordeal of a miscarriage. But last night it brought it all home to me again, and I just cried.


Today however is a new day. I can't change what happened to me. I can only take solace in the fact that my wee bubba wasn't well and my body knew it. So I carry on in hope...


I had another session of acupuncture today - she is happy with the way I am responding. I had a comparison of my FSH levels from 2 years ago and they are dramatically down which is great! Its only been 4 weeks but I really do feel its making a difference. She burned Moxa over me - apparently this will help warm up my ovaries and hopefully I ovulate at a normal time frame this cycle. Also got my pills to help with my thryroid dysfunction and hopefully bring up my temps as still too low.


I am still feeling positive - life is about ups and downs, last nite was just one of those downs but today im ok and back on the path.

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day. I should have been a mother today, instead I am further reminded of the fact that im not and it doesn't look like I will be any time soon.


May isn't a good month for me anymore for more than one reason. It was the month I did my successful IUI and then got my BFP. It's almost a year since all this happened yet here I am, in the same position I was a year ago. I would like to say it gets easier with time and that you begin to accept that this is the fate which was chosen for me... but that's not even remotely true.


Thinking of my angel today and what could have been :(

Could it really be working???

Today I am CD3. Nothing usually significant about this early in a cycle but this cycle already is starting off quite different. By now, my period usually has either stopped or is slowed down to just spotting but not this time... I am still bleeding - a constant haemorrhage type. It has been bright red, with heaps of clots of different sizes, and I have been cramping loads. 


It hasn't frustrated me - I actually see it as a positive. Almost as if my body is trying to discard of all the crap in there in order to make me healthy to house a pregnancy :)


I was talking with someone and they said it is the acupuncture that has given me a healthy period which is a really good sign that its working for me. I so hope that is right!! I can't believe that its working so quickly - I so didn't expect that to be honest. I didn't even relate the 2 together but its so right!


Im honestly just feeling so positive about this cycle.... don't let me down body!!!

back to CD1

It has finally arrived :) So weird being happy for seeing the witch, usually it comes with such sadness but not this time!


Now the decisions for the month.... to go completely natural with just acupuncture or to also try with the clomiphene?? My acupuncturist thinks I shouldn't as having done so many cycles using clomiphene in the past isn't good for me. But I will be guttered if I have another long cycle again - not only does it mean my eggs won't be healthy but also that it reduces my chances of trying because the months roll into each other. As it is, people on "normal" cycles have only 12 chances a year - with me its less!!! I want it to be my turn so badly!!!


I have been reading "The Infertility Cure" by Randine Lewis - lots of good points raised in there in regards to western treatment. My acupuncturist believes my inbalances are related to thyroid function, kidney yin and spleen qi. The book has some dietary do's and don'ts related to them so im going to try real hard to follow this. I am also started some supplements so hopefully these will all be of help.


We are now officially past 2 years of officially trying, month 25. I can't believe it hasn't happened yet. Please let this month be my turn, please please please xx