Day 11

Today is not a good day :(


Had my scan this morning - looking like will only have about 4 mature follicles now. Still have lots of little ones that I guess have the potential to still grow but probably unlikely. Most of the mature ones are only about 11mm with the exception of one which is about 16mm. I know people say its about quality not quantity, or it only takes one, but shit this is a lot of pressure!! Thats 4 now, but with fertilisation the likely hood is im only going to get the 1! Again I know that people can have all good numbers following fertilising but that can't be an every day occurance. I've heard of too many people that only get the 1 transferred as that was all that was decent. 
And to top it all off found out my blood test results this afternoon were still quite a wee way off where they need to be (although still rising) so the predicted egg collection of Friday given to me this morning is now potentially next Monday.


How do I keep positive? I don't know how! I broke down at work today, it's just so so hard. I have honestly tried to remain positive or turn my negativity around but I just feel like everything has been against me since I took my first jab. I actually feel quite alone in this journey, feel like a broken negative record. Im in an online support group who don't seem to even post on my posts. My husband is so stressed with work that I feel I can't give him more pressure. Friends and family understand to a certain degree but don't really get it. I just want someone to say something other than they know it will work - how, how do they know? No-one knows, there are no guarantees. This is the final straw in trying for a baby - I have done everything else, and yet there is still no guarantees! Today I don't feel I have the strength to carry on - how can I make it through the next phases of this? How do I find the will to believe that it will be ok???


I wish I knew how to answer that....