As suspected, time is slowing down ha ha!!! I guess its to be expected, especially as labour, birth and meeting our wee girl is all I can think about now.
With reaching the 36week mark we have now started to hand express our colostrum to be able to give baby as soon as she is born. This is because she has a high risk of dropping her blood glucose levels once she is cut from the cord because of the GD. Its "liquid gold" and even the smallest amount is enough to help. While I have been taught the technique of doing the expressing, its really hard. I have only been able to get some very small amounts - and while they say that its ok to get just a very small amount, its hard not to feel like a failure. Im trying to not be hard on myself but I guess with any parenting, you only want the best.... I just have to remember that even the smallest amount is giving her the best!
Today I had a midwife appointment - im now down to weekly! We discussed what happens with the induction process. She said that I will likely start off with a balloon catheter to soften the cervix, then look at trying the gel to soften it, and then go on to the medical route. She said worse case scenario is that it can take up to 4 days (yikes) and if at this point there is still no baby, will look to a Cesarean. We discussed that while i'll try to go without the pain relief for a little bit (im thinking not that long), that logically induction is hard on the body so will then go to an epidural to help get through - especially if we are looking at the worse case scenario. And besides, I have had things hard throughout the pregnancy, if we can make something a little bit easier why not!!! Im still scared about the epidural tho - the thought of the needle in the spine is quite scary! We also talked about what to do in the event that I went into early labour, just to cover all bases :)
Its so surreal making plans and discussing through what to expect. This is just another of those moments that I have to pinch myself to believe its happening. Even when I look at my belly sometimes im like "wow is that really me??" The light at the end of the tunnel is becoming brighter. I just now need my induction date - bring on Thursday when hopefully the obstetricians play the game and give it to me!!!
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
35w 5d
Today it is officially 30 days until our due date!!!! Another milestone :)
The best thing though is it's even less until we meet our baby girl, hopefully just a couple of weeks or so!!! Girls who I met through a group of mums due in May are starting to have babies, its so incredibly exciting - it means my turn is not far away!!!
I was talking to my husband today about the significance of the month of May.... May 2009 was when we officially started trying and foolishly believed we had success first time ha ha - we hadn't even ovulated!!! (the beginning of things to come). May 2010 we had success with our first IUI, however that wasn't meant to be and we got our angel baby. And now in 2012, we are expecting our miracle IVF baby. Its been a long old road.... but we are almost there, we will soon get to hold our own baby.
I still can't quite believe it. I feel like I have to pinch myself that IVF worked for us, and to work first attempt is just amazing. This road, while it has been incredibly painful and heartbreaking, it has brought me and my husband closer together. We know how blessed we are, and not a day goes by that im sure either of us forget this. This baby sure is going to be one loved and lucky girl!!!
Lets hope the final "2 week wait" until she is born isn't as long as the many countless 2 week waits we have endured to see if that month we have been successful... we already know we are xx
The best thing though is it's even less until we meet our baby girl, hopefully just a couple of weeks or so!!! Girls who I met through a group of mums due in May are starting to have babies, its so incredibly exciting - it means my turn is not far away!!!
I was talking to my husband today about the significance of the month of May.... May 2009 was when we officially started trying and foolishly believed we had success first time ha ha - we hadn't even ovulated!!! (the beginning of things to come). May 2010 we had success with our first IUI, however that wasn't meant to be and we got our angel baby. And now in 2012, we are expecting our miracle IVF baby. Its been a long old road.... but we are almost there, we will soon get to hold our own baby.
I still can't quite believe it. I feel like I have to pinch myself that IVF worked for us, and to work first attempt is just amazing. This road, while it has been incredibly painful and heartbreaking, it has brought me and my husband closer together. We know how blessed we are, and not a day goes by that im sure either of us forget this. This baby sure is going to be one loved and lucky girl!!!
Lets hope the final "2 week wait" until she is born isn't as long as the many countless 2 week waits we have endured to see if that month we have been successful... we already know we are xx
Monday, April 23, 2012
35w 3d
Its all getting closer now. Nerves are starting to kick in - how will I manage labour, birth, breastfeeding, being a mother! The whole unknown for someone who likes to plan is a little daunting, especially when a little life will be depending on me for everything.... I hope I don't let her down!!!
This last week has been super emotional for me - hormones have well and truly kicked up a notch! I discussed this with my midwife on Wednesday and she made me realise that its normal to feel like this. She said that my feelings of not enjoying the pregnancy and the guilt of this is super common for IVF pregnancies.... the feeling that you wanted this so much and the lengths taken to get there means you should be so happy right??!!! My midwife said that for any pregnancy its hard.... let alone dealing with what we have had to. She totally understood where I was coming from and made me feel ok for feelings like this. At the end of the day, I love my baby and can't wait to meet her and thats all that matters!!! It was just nice to get that validation that im "normal" and not just depressed.
We had a specialist and obstetrician appointment along with a scan on Thursday. Still not having enough carb to reply on for energy - who would of thought it would be so hard to up the carb intake!!! But other than that they seem happy with how im managing the diabetes. Scan was great - she is still measuring within normal range, currently weighing 5lb 15oz. We could see her face a little better this scan too which was exciting - if only we could see her in 4D so we could get an idea of who/what she looked like. I guess she wants to keep us waiting on that one...
I was a bit guttered that I didn't see the consultant obstetrician as I really wanted to talk about induction... the doctor I saw was rubbish, even asked me where I was birthing (um, in your hospital under your care... no choice on that one - surely you should know that). I tried to get across how important it was for me psychologically to get a date, especially as this has been a hard pregnancy. Initially she said I would be induced at 37weeks, then this changed for between 38-39weeks. So basically we are still none the wiser!!! We have another appointment in 2weeks where I will be insisting on a date.... im just working on that its about 3-4weeks to go!!! Please be the earlier option - im getting impatient ha ha!!!
Yesterday my husband and I went and hung in the baby's room. Our cat and dog followed us in there and we just sat around dreaming of the life thats about to come into our world - looking at her books we have, the decor. It was a lovely moment. We can't wait for our lives to change with this little life, she is already so precious to us - I can imagine we will just spend hours starring at her in disbelief that she is here finally!!! Its been a long 3 years but what a reward we will have soon enough xx
This last week has been super emotional for me - hormones have well and truly kicked up a notch! I discussed this with my midwife on Wednesday and she made me realise that its normal to feel like this. She said that my feelings of not enjoying the pregnancy and the guilt of this is super common for IVF pregnancies.... the feeling that you wanted this so much and the lengths taken to get there means you should be so happy right??!!! My midwife said that for any pregnancy its hard.... let alone dealing with what we have had to. She totally understood where I was coming from and made me feel ok for feelings like this. At the end of the day, I love my baby and can't wait to meet her and thats all that matters!!! It was just nice to get that validation that im "normal" and not just depressed.
We had a specialist and obstetrician appointment along with a scan on Thursday. Still not having enough carb to reply on for energy - who would of thought it would be so hard to up the carb intake!!! But other than that they seem happy with how im managing the diabetes. Scan was great - she is still measuring within normal range, currently weighing 5lb 15oz. We could see her face a little better this scan too which was exciting - if only we could see her in 4D so we could get an idea of who/what she looked like. I guess she wants to keep us waiting on that one...
I was a bit guttered that I didn't see the consultant obstetrician as I really wanted to talk about induction... the doctor I saw was rubbish, even asked me where I was birthing (um, in your hospital under your care... no choice on that one - surely you should know that). I tried to get across how important it was for me psychologically to get a date, especially as this has been a hard pregnancy. Initially she said I would be induced at 37weeks, then this changed for between 38-39weeks. So basically we are still none the wiser!!! We have another appointment in 2weeks where I will be insisting on a date.... im just working on that its about 3-4weeks to go!!! Please be the earlier option - im getting impatient ha ha!!!
Yesterday my husband and I went and hung in the baby's room. Our cat and dog followed us in there and we just sat around dreaming of the life thats about to come into our world - looking at her books we have, the decor. It was a lovely moment. We can't wait for our lives to change with this little life, she is already so precious to us - I can imagine we will just spend hours starring at her in disbelief that she is here finally!!! Its been a long 3 years but what a reward we will have soon enough xx
Sunday, April 15, 2012
34w 2d
Overwhelmed.
At many stages of this journey, there have been periods where I have felt overwhelmed.... I guess being told back in 2008 that it was likely I would struggle to have a baby was the first time. From there it was at every new stage - trying medications, our first assisted treatment (the IUI), learning about IVF and then going through it, the first stages of pregnancy when not knowing if it will last, every stage afterwards expecting it to be taken away, getting GD and having to deal with learning about that..... and now here I am.
Yesterday I had my baby shower. The build up for this has been huge for me. Firstly I feel guilty for the attention, its not who I am. But secondly its the flipside, people are there for us to celebrate in the success we have had and acknowledging that its been a tough journey to get here. I don't believe people fully understand the extend in how hard a road we have traveled, or are even still travelling... however they were there celebrating none the less.
As soon as people started arriving, I cried. I tried to hide it, not wanting to bring people down and of course wanting to have a good time myself. I managed to pull myself together and join the party. It was fun and I was enjoying myself. After a bit of food it was time to open the pressies... all eyes on me. I was so touched by how people spoiled this life growing inside of me. My husbands grandma knitted a beautiful cardi... cue tears. It didn't stop there.... Once I had opened all the gifts I wanted to thank everyone for being there and acknowledged how special our little girl was and that we feel so blessed after such a long time. More tears, this time not just from me.
Its a milestone, a baby shower. Its acknowledging that the end is almost here. Its been long and hard, but when we meet our precious wee girl we know it will be worth it, it already is.
I admit I haven't been enjoying these recent weeks of the pregnancy due to hormones, GD, SPD pain, fatigue etc etc.... but with 4-6 weeks to go I want to try and enjoy my final alone time with my wee girl before we embark on another journey.
Its been an incredible ride. I am blessed. I am lucky xx
At many stages of this journey, there have been periods where I have felt overwhelmed.... I guess being told back in 2008 that it was likely I would struggle to have a baby was the first time. From there it was at every new stage - trying medications, our first assisted treatment (the IUI), learning about IVF and then going through it, the first stages of pregnancy when not knowing if it will last, every stage afterwards expecting it to be taken away, getting GD and having to deal with learning about that..... and now here I am.
Yesterday I had my baby shower. The build up for this has been huge for me. Firstly I feel guilty for the attention, its not who I am. But secondly its the flipside, people are there for us to celebrate in the success we have had and acknowledging that its been a tough journey to get here. I don't believe people fully understand the extend in how hard a road we have traveled, or are even still travelling... however they were there celebrating none the less.
As soon as people started arriving, I cried. I tried to hide it, not wanting to bring people down and of course wanting to have a good time myself. I managed to pull myself together and join the party. It was fun and I was enjoying myself. After a bit of food it was time to open the pressies... all eyes on me. I was so touched by how people spoiled this life growing inside of me. My husbands grandma knitted a beautiful cardi... cue tears. It didn't stop there.... Once I had opened all the gifts I wanted to thank everyone for being there and acknowledged how special our little girl was and that we feel so blessed after such a long time. More tears, this time not just from me.
Its a milestone, a baby shower. Its acknowledging that the end is almost here. Its been long and hard, but when we meet our precious wee girl we know it will be worth it, it already is.
I admit I haven't been enjoying these recent weeks of the pregnancy due to hormones, GD, SPD pain, fatigue etc etc.... but with 4-6 weeks to go I want to try and enjoy my final alone time with my wee girl before we embark on another journey.
Its been an incredible ride. I am blessed. I am lucky xx
Thursday, April 5, 2012
32w 6d
Well its been a full on week for me this week!!!
I started it off with Monday when I was feeling so completely emotional! I cried most of the day, it was so exhausting! The thing that was mostly getting me down was the feeling of being so overwhelmed by feeling so blah, tired, short of breath, and that everything is just getting so hard. Its such a conflicting thing - wishing away a pregnancy that I worked so hard to achieve... I feel guilty for this. I of course don't wish away the life that we have created however this pregnancy sure has been hard and as it turns out... isn't going to be getting any easier any time soon.
On Wednesday I saw my physio while I was at swimming and told her about this pain I have been getting in my left groin that has slowly been getting worse to the point that I now have pain 24hrs a day, walking is hard, and im finding it hard to sleep. She believes I have Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD). I now have an appointment with her next week where she will look to me trying some crutches to use for distance, and to also get a specific belt to help hold my pelvis together!! I advised my midwife of this new diagnosis and looks like it will effect my labour in terms of positions that I can be in - there are some I cant go into if im able to do a vaginal birth.....
And today I had a diabetes specialist appointment. I advised them of my sickly feeling along with the constant fatigue. They looked at my levels and 95% of the time I am achieving great levels... however im not eating enough! So because im not having enough to eat my body is starting to attack my protein levels to try and get some energy as I don't have enough carbs in my system. This is why I have been feeling so crap and lethargic!!!
So now I start on insulin, have to inject myself with every meal (as well as still take my metformin) and increase my meal size. The hope is I can still maintain my levels while getting more fuel into the system! And the bonus is I don't have to be so restrictive with what I eat!!!
Fingers crossed that life will get easier and the remainder of this pregnancy is drama free.... the way its been thus far its hard to imagine that this will be the case. Just have to remember that she is worth it :)
I started it off with Monday when I was feeling so completely emotional! I cried most of the day, it was so exhausting! The thing that was mostly getting me down was the feeling of being so overwhelmed by feeling so blah, tired, short of breath, and that everything is just getting so hard. Its such a conflicting thing - wishing away a pregnancy that I worked so hard to achieve... I feel guilty for this. I of course don't wish away the life that we have created however this pregnancy sure has been hard and as it turns out... isn't going to be getting any easier any time soon.
On Wednesday I saw my physio while I was at swimming and told her about this pain I have been getting in my left groin that has slowly been getting worse to the point that I now have pain 24hrs a day, walking is hard, and im finding it hard to sleep. She believes I have Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD). I now have an appointment with her next week where she will look to me trying some crutches to use for distance, and to also get a specific belt to help hold my pelvis together!! I advised my midwife of this new diagnosis and looks like it will effect my labour in terms of positions that I can be in - there are some I cant go into if im able to do a vaginal birth.....
And today I had a diabetes specialist appointment. I advised them of my sickly feeling along with the constant fatigue. They looked at my levels and 95% of the time I am achieving great levels... however im not eating enough! So because im not having enough to eat my body is starting to attack my protein levels to try and get some energy as I don't have enough carbs in my system. This is why I have been feeling so crap and lethargic!!!
So now I start on insulin, have to inject myself with every meal (as well as still take my metformin) and increase my meal size. The hope is I can still maintain my levels while getting more fuel into the system! And the bonus is I don't have to be so restrictive with what I eat!!!
Fingers crossed that life will get easier and the remainder of this pregnancy is drama free.... the way its been thus far its hard to imagine that this will be the case. Just have to remember that she is worth it :)
Sunday, April 1, 2012
32w 2d
Today is April - I can officially say im having a baby next month!!! How exciting :)
I still have to pinch myself that this is happening after so long, but its definitely not an April Fools trick, its real. Its happening.
Im starting to think more and more about the birth - what will it be like, how long will it last, how will I cope. But overall im just so excited to meet her that all those thoughts are insignificant by comparison. No doubt I will start to talk with my midwife about our birth plan soon. From the beginning we always knew that our "plan" is to go with the flow in regards to pain relief - will go as long as I can without it but given I have no idea what to expect I figure its best to not have expectations! A safe and healthy delivery ultimately is my only goal.
The further I get into the pregnancy, the more I appreciate what others have been through. When I was in the depths of "trying" for a baby, I used to find it so frustrating to hear about people complaining about wanting the pregnancy over... I used to think that they should be just grateful that they are even pregnant! Now im in the same boat I find myself feeling guilty that I too have struggled with pregnancy and looking forward to the end (especially meeting my precious baby). It doesn't mean I don't appreciate the life growing inside of me, or that I was one of the lucky ones where IVF worked for me - I wouldn't change this for the world!!! But I don't think until you go through pregnancy that you fully appreciate the physical toll that it has on your body, one that you have no control over. Some people have it easier than others, some find they are ticking all the boxes in the column you don't necessary want to tick... but regardless its a huge undertaking!!
So I say I was wrong in my previous thoughts.... that ultimately stemmed from jealousy of wanting what they have. I now take my hat off to all the women out there who have been through a pregnancy, you are all amazing!!!
I still have to pinch myself that this is happening after so long, but its definitely not an April Fools trick, its real. Its happening.
Im starting to think more and more about the birth - what will it be like, how long will it last, how will I cope. But overall im just so excited to meet her that all those thoughts are insignificant by comparison. No doubt I will start to talk with my midwife about our birth plan soon. From the beginning we always knew that our "plan" is to go with the flow in regards to pain relief - will go as long as I can without it but given I have no idea what to expect I figure its best to not have expectations! A safe and healthy delivery ultimately is my only goal.
The further I get into the pregnancy, the more I appreciate what others have been through. When I was in the depths of "trying" for a baby, I used to find it so frustrating to hear about people complaining about wanting the pregnancy over... I used to think that they should be just grateful that they are even pregnant! Now im in the same boat I find myself feeling guilty that I too have struggled with pregnancy and looking forward to the end (especially meeting my precious baby). It doesn't mean I don't appreciate the life growing inside of me, or that I was one of the lucky ones where IVF worked for me - I wouldn't change this for the world!!! But I don't think until you go through pregnancy that you fully appreciate the physical toll that it has on your body, one that you have no control over. Some people have it easier than others, some find they are ticking all the boxes in the column you don't necessary want to tick... but regardless its a huge undertaking!!
So I say I was wrong in my previous thoughts.... that ultimately stemmed from jealousy of wanting what they have. I now take my hat off to all the women out there who have been through a pregnancy, you are all amazing!!!
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