These last few days I have been sick with a cold - I never really appreciated how hard it would be to get an illness when pregnant, there isn't much that your safe to take! Its actually quite frustrating! I tried to work through it all but by yesterday afternoon I just had to go home, I was so tired and feeling like crap!!! Im struggling with the feeling that im letting people down - letting work down as im off a bit at the moment (first with morning sickness which has now subsided, now this cold) and I feel like people just think im being slack. Im also feeling guilty that my husband is doing most of the cooking - feel like I should be doing more, the house work is building up, I should be helping more.
Im also at a point where im over thinking, worrying. I have been trying really hard to believe that all is well with this pregnancy but then fear sets in and takes over my positivity. I can't help it. And then if I lose this baby, everyone will be so guttered as our families are now getting excited about the prospect that there will be a baby soon... but if not, im letting them down also.
Argh, no matter what stage of this journey, there is always worry. I wish I didn't know what I do, I wish I had the naivety to just be able to go with the flow - believe that all is good, not read into the fact that my symptoms have stopped but just be thankful that im no longer feeling nausea's.
Bring on the next scan, here's hoping I can find a way to get through these next few weeks without going too crazy!!!
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Friday, October 21, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
8w 4d
Well I have made it, im now in unknown territory. With my last pregnancy, it was on this date that I had my D&C as the day before we had learnt that our baby had stopped growing and its heart had stopped.
I remember most of the day of the D&C. We had to go into hospital about 11am - I had spent most of the morning crying with my husband. I got into my gown and we waited until they were ready to take me into surgery.
I remember being on the bed being checked by the anesthesist just crying - this wasn't the way my baby was meant to come out of me. I then met a nurse who was trying to make me feel better saying that she had babies later in life and struggled (they knew it was a baby through fertility treatment) and they she said "I could have fucken slapped those who got pregnant so easily". It didn't cheer me up, but I could appreciate what she was trying to do.
I then went into surgery and when I woke, it was to pain physically from the surgery, and emotionally that I was no longer pregnant.
It was one of the worse days I have ever had. I felt so empty by the end of it and for a long time after too..... But this pregnancy has been different from the start - it took a while to get back to here, but I know that this time this bubs is a keeper. I know I will get to know my son or daughter - it always made me sad that I would never know what I was having last time. While its been a stressful 8w 4d, im still celebrating the small successes.... today is a big success.
Im grateful for my pregnancy, I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can't wait for the next milestones of this pregnancy and ultimately meeting my baby.
Life is good
I remember most of the day of the D&C. We had to go into hospital about 11am - I had spent most of the morning crying with my husband. I got into my gown and we waited until they were ready to take me into surgery.
I remember being on the bed being checked by the anesthesist just crying - this wasn't the way my baby was meant to come out of me. I then met a nurse who was trying to make me feel better saying that she had babies later in life and struggled (they knew it was a baby through fertility treatment) and they she said "I could have fucken slapped those who got pregnant so easily". It didn't cheer me up, but I could appreciate what she was trying to do.
I then went into surgery and when I woke, it was to pain physically from the surgery, and emotionally that I was no longer pregnant.
It was one of the worse days I have ever had. I felt so empty by the end of it and for a long time after too..... But this pregnancy has been different from the start - it took a while to get back to here, but I know that this time this bubs is a keeper. I know I will get to know my son or daughter - it always made me sad that I would never know what I was having last time. While its been a stressful 8w 4d, im still celebrating the small successes.... today is a big success.
Im grateful for my pregnancy, I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can't wait for the next milestones of this pregnancy and ultimately meeting my baby.
Life is good
Thursday, October 13, 2011
7w 5d
Well its been a busy past few days in our household.
Yesterday we met up with our midwife - she was lovely, we feel quite happy with her. We talked through lots of things and did lots of paperwork. The midwife recommends that we go with shared care, she said that due to having PCOS and conceived through IVF it puts us at higher risk. Apparently IVF babies tend to stop growing sooner than natural babies, and having PCOS puts me at risk of pre-eclampsia. So we have decided to go with her recommendation. She was also saying that im unlikely to go over - may even be a week earlier however they won't let me go over because of the risks so thats good. She also gave us forms to get our antenatal bloods done, along with referral to have our combined screening done at 12weeks. I felt really good when I left, felt excited at the prospect of needing to even use a midwife and making plans for this baby's arrival!!!
Today was our followup scan at Repromed (now known as Fertility Associates as have changed names). Again, I was super nervous. But yay, everything was perfect!!! Bubs has been growing nicely, nice strong heartbeat, and well... perfect!!! Our specialist said we can still have scans if we chose however there is no longer a need for us to be going there, we have officially graduated!!! I can't believe we have made it here!!! Still need to keep taking the metformin for basically my entire pregnancy but I can stop the pessaries now - I think I will just carry on with the packs I have, can't hurt anyways!!
So its been a great last few days - a perfect way to celebrate my husbands birthday today!!! We have also made our first big purchase, a cot - we love it!! Can't wait for hubby to put it together. Both mw and specialist have said my EDD is a day later than we had so now our due date is 26th May 2012.
Eek, so super excited about it all!!!
Here is a pic of bubs - hasn't he/she grown ;)
Yesterday we met up with our midwife - she was lovely, we feel quite happy with her. We talked through lots of things and did lots of paperwork. The midwife recommends that we go with shared care, she said that due to having PCOS and conceived through IVF it puts us at higher risk. Apparently IVF babies tend to stop growing sooner than natural babies, and having PCOS puts me at risk of pre-eclampsia. So we have decided to go with her recommendation. She was also saying that im unlikely to go over - may even be a week earlier however they won't let me go over because of the risks so thats good. She also gave us forms to get our antenatal bloods done, along with referral to have our combined screening done at 12weeks. I felt really good when I left, felt excited at the prospect of needing to even use a midwife and making plans for this baby's arrival!!!
Today was our followup scan at Repromed (now known as Fertility Associates as have changed names). Again, I was super nervous. But yay, everything was perfect!!! Bubs has been growing nicely, nice strong heartbeat, and well... perfect!!! Our specialist said we can still have scans if we chose however there is no longer a need for us to be going there, we have officially graduated!!! I can't believe we have made it here!!! Still need to keep taking the metformin for basically my entire pregnancy but I can stop the pessaries now - I think I will just carry on with the packs I have, can't hurt anyways!!
So its been a great last few days - a perfect way to celebrate my husbands birthday today!!! We have also made our first big purchase, a cot - we love it!! Can't wait for hubby to put it together. Both mw and specialist have said my EDD is a day later than we had so now our due date is 26th May 2012.
Eek, so super excited about it all!!!
Here is a pic of bubs - hasn't he/she grown ;)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
6w 6d
Scan day..........
I was so nervous all morning, my emotions were all over the place about what we would see. The morning went reasonably fast yet felt like it was dragging at the same time.
11am rolled around. We were sitting so quietly in the waiting room - there were a few people in there so that may have added to it but I know I was just too nervous to speak.
Firstly we spoke to the doctor about our previous blood test results. He was still really happy with them and said they rose as they expected them to do.
Next it was scan time, my date with dildo cam. And as soon as the scanner was in me, I could see a wee sac. Has he magnified it more, the heartbeat. It was pumping so much it was crazy. He turned on the sound and we could hear it clear as mud. A M A Z I N G!!!! I had tears as soon as I saw and heard it, tears of joy.
As we are still so early into the pregnancy, we are still quite small. The doctor took the measurements though and we are the right size for how far along we are. He tried to measure the HB - it was 114 BPM so in the safe range (which is over 100).
So still early days. He was very reassuring that all is looking as perfect as it should be but understood the fear given last time. Interestingly he said 90% of those who see a heartbeat early carry on... we were obviously in the 10% last time. That in mind, we have another scan next week to check the growth and that we are still tracking along nicely. He said I can have as many scan's as I need to feel reassured which was great. I think next weeks one will tell a lot though.
But for now, we are believing that our baby is perfect and will be here for the long haul.
Keep safe and strong Petrie xxx
I was so nervous all morning, my emotions were all over the place about what we would see. The morning went reasonably fast yet felt like it was dragging at the same time.
11am rolled around. We were sitting so quietly in the waiting room - there were a few people in there so that may have added to it but I know I was just too nervous to speak.
Firstly we spoke to the doctor about our previous blood test results. He was still really happy with them and said they rose as they expected them to do.
Next it was scan time, my date with dildo cam. And as soon as the scanner was in me, I could see a wee sac. Has he magnified it more, the heartbeat. It was pumping so much it was crazy. He turned on the sound and we could hear it clear as mud. A M A Z I N G!!!! I had tears as soon as I saw and heard it, tears of joy.
As we are still so early into the pregnancy, we are still quite small. The doctor took the measurements though and we are the right size for how far along we are. He tried to measure the HB - it was 114 BPM so in the safe range (which is over 100).
So still early days. He was very reassuring that all is looking as perfect as it should be but understood the fear given last time. Interestingly he said 90% of those who see a heartbeat early carry on... we were obviously in the 10% last time. That in mind, we have another scan next week to check the growth and that we are still tracking along nicely. He said I can have as many scan's as I need to feel reassured which was great. I think next weeks one will tell a lot though.
But for now, we are believing that our baby is perfect and will be here for the long haul.
Keep safe and strong Petrie xxx
Monday, October 3, 2011
6w 3d
Ugh.... morning sickness has well and truly kicked in. Fortunately I have some sea bands that a friend has lent me, however I can't wear them at work as people will guess (and my uniform is short sleeves) so im on the hunt to find some other remedies. Im trying to eat bits through out the day, my appetite is up-and down but just trying to keep up the food intake. I know ginger is good - im not a fan of it so thinking I might look into the pill form of it (although I do like Gingernuts so could start a diet of that, ha ha).
My fatigue has also kicked it up a notch. On Saturday I had 2 sleeps!!! I have been told to have guilt free sleeps, so hard tho as feel like my hubby is having to do everything at the mo. He say's he doesn't mind but im still feeling guilty.
I have taken the day off work - I was so hot and sickly feeling over night that woke up feeling yuck and decided I couldn't face it today, was going to be a quiet day so probably would have made things worse!! So me and my hubby decided it was best to try and rest. Im also starting to get a bit of a sore throat so want to keep that at bay.
Man I hope it doesn't get worse than this, nausea is bad enough - I totally feel for those who are vomiting also (I have felt close but not yet). But its part and parcel of pregnancy, so I will just grin and bear it.... even if its through tears like there were yesterday!!!
3 sleeps until we see Petrie - I can not wait!!!
My fatigue has also kicked it up a notch. On Saturday I had 2 sleeps!!! I have been told to have guilt free sleeps, so hard tho as feel like my hubby is having to do everything at the mo. He say's he doesn't mind but im still feeling guilty.
I have taken the day off work - I was so hot and sickly feeling over night that woke up feeling yuck and decided I couldn't face it today, was going to be a quiet day so probably would have made things worse!! So me and my hubby decided it was best to try and rest. Im also starting to get a bit of a sore throat so want to keep that at bay.
Man I hope it doesn't get worse than this, nausea is bad enough - I totally feel for those who are vomiting also (I have felt close but not yet). But its part and parcel of pregnancy, so I will just grin and bear it.... even if its through tears like there were yesterday!!!
3 sleeps until we see Petrie - I can not wait!!!
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