A year on

It truly is hard to believe my baby will be 1yr old in a matter of days... its true what they say, it really does go by so incredibly fast!!! Sometimes I wonder did I appreciate the little things enough - the newborn stage, the first times, the smiles. It all feels like I can't get enough of it yet at the same time doesn't feel like I got enough. Im so incredibly proud of my girl, she is an absolute delight! She makes every day so much better just by being apart of my life. We are blessed.

With loving parenthood its natural to think of extending the family, giving our daughter a play mate. Unfortunately for us though this won't be a reality, not for want of trying anyways.
We had 2 embies on ice... one didn't take, the other didn't make it passed the thaw. There is no more funding for us and we don't have the money to go privately. The fertility journey is now over. 

A girl in my IVF support group asked me how I was coping with knowing it was the end - that I seemed so strong, so brave. This was my response to her:

I don't know about strong...

The reality of this has just hit us. It saddens me that our girl won't have a sibling, I just don't want her to ever be sad or lonely 
We made the decision awhile back. Sitting in the IVF support group and listening to heartache after heartache... I just couldn't do that! Like one girl - they spent inheritance money, their savings and she has never even had a short lived BFP. I know how guttered she was each and every time. There are ladies in their going overseas to get their precious babies, on to attempt number however many..... It goes on and on and the guarantees are never there. I don't knock anyone for doing what they feel they need to, but for us well we just couldnt keep feeling so out of control. We feel that we are already lucky and that anymore would be a bonus. 
So now we grieve and we have to move on. We look forward to infertility not ruling our lives like it has for so long. We start living a different life and that has to be good.
Does that make any sense??

I look to my wee girl and it brings tears to my eyes watching her play on her own, knowing this is a reality she will have, but at the same time I have to be thankful as we are lucky. We have a success storey, we have a family.... we are truly blessed. Its been a hard journey but I wouldn't change it as it gave us the most incredible wee girl who is extremely special and so loved by many. Its time to move on, its time to start a new journey.

Good luck to those who go down a similar path. Be strong x