34w 2d

Overwhelmed.


At many stages of this journey, there have been periods where I have felt overwhelmed.... I guess being told back in 2008 that it was likely I would struggle to have a baby was the first time. From there it was at every new stage - trying medications, our first assisted treatment (the IUI), learning about IVF and then going through it, the first stages of pregnancy when not knowing if it will last, every stage afterwards expecting it to be taken away, getting GD and having to deal with learning about that..... and now here I am.


Yesterday I had my baby shower. The build up for this has been huge for me. Firstly I feel guilty for the attention, its not who I am. But secondly its the flipside, people are there for us to celebrate in the success we have had and acknowledging that its been a tough journey to get here. I don't believe people fully understand the extend in how hard a road we have traveled, or are even still travelling... however they were there celebrating none the less.


As soon as people started arriving, I cried. I tried to hide it, not wanting to bring people down and of course wanting to have a good time myself. I managed to pull myself together and join the party. It was fun and I was enjoying myself. After a bit of food it was time to open the pressies... all eyes on me. I was so touched by how people spoiled this life growing inside of me. My husbands grandma knitted a beautiful cardi... cue tears. It didn't stop there.... Once I had opened all the gifts I wanted to thank everyone for being there and acknowledged how special our little girl was and that we feel so blessed after such a long time. More tears, this time not just from me.


Its a milestone, a baby shower. Its acknowledging that the end is almost here. Its been long and hard, but when we meet our precious wee girl we know it will be worth it, it already is.


I admit I haven't been enjoying these recent weeks of the pregnancy due to hormones, GD, SPD pain, fatigue etc etc.... but with 4-6 weeks to go I want to try and enjoy my final alone time with my wee girl before we embark on another journey.


Its been an incredible ride. I am blessed. I am lucky xx