21w 5d

The last 2 days I have been off work - I have been having headaches/migraines that won't go away. Its been like a constant band of throbbing across my head as well as up my neck to the base of my head. I tried things like panadol, panadiene and paracode. I have been sitting in a darkened room, and using a nice cold pack but it was still persisting. My midwife asked me to go to the GP so I did that today.


It wasn't my usual doctor that I saw unfortunately, but the outcome was that she believed it was related to muscular tension. Basically she said I need to find ways to relax more. I discussed that im getting exhausted with work etc and she said that won't be helping and to maybe consider cutting down work sooner than the 28week mark that we have planned. 


I spoke about this with my midwife and she agreed. I asked about the possibility of staying but doing lighter duties which she said is a possibility but would need to talk to my boss.... this could be a problem. I don't believe my boss would be understanding. I have said im struggling which is why I was dropping down to 4-day weeks from 28w onwards, but to say I need to do lighter duties I just don't think will go down well. I worry that if I did, work colleagues would resent me as they would need to pick up my workload. Or my boss says that they can't support that and force me to go on maternity leave sooner than I had planned (both financially and mentally). Argh!!! More stress for me to worry about!!!


My husband, and basically everyone else I talk to says that I need to put myself first. I just don't know how to do this! Im so worried about other people and their reactions and the extra load I put on them (including my husband who will be doing more at home). I know this is my time to be selfish, but I can't bear having to deal with other people's disappointments in me. It stresses me and worries me so much as it is!


I just don't know what to do. How can I last the rest of this pregnancy like this? How can I go on not changing the things that im struggling with?? How can I stop the tears of worry that I have??? I never ever thought my pregnancy would be like this :-(